The Professor: AKA My Mom's Best Friend (GxG)

XXVII

*Lindsay's POV*

The past week had been hard. So fucking hard. 

Shannon and I had given each other space, yet that was going to change. I recalled the note I found underneath my door this morning.

Lindsay, we need to talk.
- Shannon x

The dreaded words. We need to talk. I knew we needed to. Right now, our situation was so confusing that I started to doubt why we started seeing each other in the first place. I knew I loved Shannon, that I was sure of, but I had witnessed enough relationships crash and burn to know that ours was going down like a flaming plane. 

I wanted so badly to save our love, to make this right. I wanted to do that for us and our future. As much as I had determination, I also had doubts. So many doubts. I had started overanalysing everything. Our arguing, Shannon's insecurities, the fact that we didn't even want the same things in our future! I wanted someone fun, breezy, ready to fly away with me and explore exotic places. I wanted to see the world.

Shannon, she'd already done that. The age gap and experience were really starting to show. She was at that age where she wanted to settle down, have kids, build a house in the woods. I had to decide whether that's what I wanted. I had to decide if the fighting was worth it. Giving up my dreams. Was it all worth it? Was Shannon worth it?

~~~

As the evening grew closer, I tidied up the guest house, anxiety creeping it's way in like a spider in the night. Who am I kidding, my anxiety was announcing it's presence, smashing pots and pans against the walls of my brain. So, nothing new. 

Alex and Mom knew how important this conversation was to us. They had been there through it all. From the second we met, to the development of feelings, to when everything seemed to go to shit. They knew this talk was make or break. 

I didn't even want to think about this being the end for Shannon and I. I had my guest house, but I didn't know if I'd be able to handle seeing Shannon in the main house everyday. Sitting at the same dinner table, pretending like everything was fine. While the pain slowly kills the both of us, and similarly, the mood. 

Swimming. I hadn't even thought of that. 

Luckily, physiotherapy had finished the week prior, but I would still see Shannon at least five days a week. Barely clothed. Wet. I didn't know if my little heart could take it. 

Lindsay, snap out of it. It's not like you guys are ending it. Right? 

~~~

*Shannon's POV*

My nerves were at an all time high. I hadn't eaten for the past 24 hours, not being able to stomach anything. I needed to have this chat with Lindsay. We needed this. There was so much forwards and backwards, we just needed a clear cut solution. 

I sipped on my wine, trying to calm down my racing mind. To control the heavy beat of my heart. I sat on my bed, dreading what was to come. 

I didn't know how to explain it to Lindsay. How I was feeling. How seeing her flirt with other people affected me so much. A piece of my heart shattered when I saw Gio kiss her. I tell myself, it was just an innocent, friendly, kiss on the cheek, but my brain disagrees. My mind wants to fight me. Taunting me. 

What if it was something more?

You're not good enough for her, Shannon.

You'll never be good enough for anyone.

You are poison. 

Everybody always leaves. 

I wanted to bash my head against the wall to make it stop. The constant screaming, tormenting, it was too much to handle. 

Lindsay, she was perfect. Every sense of the word. She was the sun. The brightness. She brought the heat. She was fiery. She was warm. She was everything. Everything to me. 

Yet, we seemed to cause each other so much pain. I didn't understand how something that felt this right, could hurt so much. 

As much as I wanted to trust her, I just... couldn't. I knew it was me, all in my brain, but I had been hurt before, way more times than I'd like to admit. 

Every time, I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. Wouldn't give my heart and self over to another person. I'd been shown over and over again that they couldn't be trusted. No one could. 

Downing the remainder of my wine, I got to my feet and slowly walked towards the guest house.  

Knocking on the door, I could already feel Lindsay's presence on the other side, knowing she was awaiting my arrival.

"Shannon," Lindsay whispered, holding the door open as I silently entered the apartment.

"Would you like something to drink?" Lindsay asked cautiously, treating me like I was going to break at any moment.

"No, I'm fine. Lindsay, do you want a family?" I asked abruptly.

"Uhh...," Lindsay mumbled, caught off guard, "Yes. Yes, I do. Just... not right now."

"How long?"

"Maybe five... ten years?" Lindsay answered, looking down timidly.

"Ten? I want kids in the next couple of years."

Lindsay took a deep breath, looking up to meet my eyes, "I want us to work."

"It would never work," I grumbled

"It could, Shannon. Just maybe. I don't have long left of uni... and... and..."

"Lindsay, in another life, maybe. But I've weighed it up. We can't make this work."

"Weighed it up? What the fuck, Shannon? This isn't fucking deciding whether to wear a red or blue shirt, this is our future! Don't you care at all? Don't you have an ounce of emotion? Of lov--"

"Of course I do, Lindsay! That's why this is so fucking hard. I love you so much. So much. But I know... deep within me, if I let you in now, it's just going to hurt further down the road. When you realise I'm not what you want. Our life is not what you want," I whimpered, trying to keep my tears from falling.

"So that's it?" Lindsay asked, "You're giving up?"

"Don't do that, Lindsay. You know damn well this isn't working."

"I know," she whispered, almost silently. Stepping closer to me, she glanced up to meet my eyes, "Please just kiss me one more time, Shannon. Please?"

My heart broke as I stared at Lindsay looking up at me. That was the moment. My heart had officially broken. It was over. I knew it needed to be done. I couldn't risk getting pulled back in.

I stepped back, shuffling backwards towards the door.

"That's not a good idea, Linds. I should just go," I murmured, reaching for the door handle.

"I understand," Lindsay whimpered, wiping away the tears that had started pouring down her face.

Turning around, I fled out the door, holding a hand over my heart in agony.

I'll never go through this pain again.

Thanks for reading!

Vote, comment, continue reading.

Happy IDAHOBIT!

Stay safe.

- T.J Starc