I don't know why it hurts when she said those words. Oo nga naman, hindi naman ako special para sila lagi ang mag adjust for me.
But damn. Anong magagawa ko kung hindi ko pa kaya? Hindi ko naman pweding pilitin ang sarili ko. God knows how I tried to be independent again in front of many people. God knows how many times I tried to go to public places alone but ended up failed.
Yes, of course, I'm trying. My family doesn't know except Nanay Tess at yung isa niyang anak, dahil siya lang naman madalas ang kasama ko sa bahay, so she knows if aalis ako or not. But it was not me who's driving. Yung anak niya. Secret lang namin yon.
I've tried it for at least once a month since last year, and up until now, I'm still failing. Ayaw ko naman kasi na makita ako nila Miss Harper na maging jelly doon. Baka instead na si Brielle ang alagaan niya ay magiging ako.
Napabuntong hininga ako sa naiisip.
"Ang lalim ha?"
I was startled when kuya suddenly spoke. Damn it.
"Yawiss!" Inis kong sigaw sa kanya. Tumawa lang naman siya, kaya inikutan ko ng mata.
"Easy there, Princess." Natatawang saad nito sabay upo sa couch, katabi ko. Nandito kasi ako sa sala. Ewan, mula kaninang pagdating ko ay naupo na ako dito sa sala at hindi pa umaakyat para magbihis. Masyado atang malalim ang iniisip ko dahil hindi ko na rin napansing dumating si kuya.
"Do you have problem?" Tanong ni niya
"Kuya?" Tawag ko sa kanya.
"Hmm?"
"Am I being too much? Masyado ko na ba kayong naiistorbo at nagfi-feeling special para kayo lagi ang mag-adjust for me?" Seryosong tanong ko, rason para mapatingin ito sa akin ng seryoso din.
"Of course not, princess. You've never been a burden and disturbance to us. And no, hindi ka nagfi-feeling special because you really are special for us. We love you, Ash. And normal lang na kami ang mag-adjust for you because we know that you can't do the things you want to do yet. Akala mo ba hindi ko alam that you're trying to go to public places alone?" Napalaki ang mata ko sa sinabi ni kuya. Damn. Kasasabi ko lang kanina na hindi nila alam diba?
"H-how?"
"Well, I was once in Mall and then nakita kita. Lalapitan na sana kita, but pinigilan ako ni kuya Drake. Sinabi niya lang na huwag muna kitang lapitan kasi you're trying. At nung pag-uwi ko, tinanong ko si nanay Tess at yon, kinwento niya sa akin. Since then, I always tailing you pag tina-try mo. You don't know how proud I am to you, princess. Trying you're best para um-okay ka... I know, magiging okay din ang lahat, maybe not now, but who knows right? Baka sa susunod ay bumalik na ang dating ikaw."
Okay. Hindi ko na napigilan, kumawala na ang mga luhang kanina pa gustong lumabas. I was stunned. Damn it. My family really loves me. So much.
Niyakap ko si kuya at saka umiyak. "Thank you kuya." I said in between my sobs. "Wait, did you tell Mommy and Daddy about that?" Muli kong tanong. Mabilis naman itong umiling.
"No, because I know, hindi magugustuhan ni mommy 'yon"
Ngumiti naman ako sa kanya. "Thank you."
"Thank you too, princess, for not giving up. And one more thing, yun na ang pambawi namin sa iyo no. Dahil kung andon lang kam--"
"Yawiss!" Pagputol ko sa sasabihin niya at tinakpan pa ang bibig niya. "I already told you, it's not your fault."
Tinanggal niya ang kamay ko sa bibig niya "I know, but--"
"Hep! No more buts." I said tsaka ko pinunasan ang basa kong pisngi. "Okay na. Enough na ang drama." I said.
I actually hate it kapag nabubuksan ang topic na yon not because of what really happened but because they always blamed their selves and I don't want it.
