Hawthorne

30 - London

Camilla White

My heart is torn.

I have been having more fun than I could imagine, and yet... It feels like something’s missing.

“I am starving after all of that!” Rachel sighs, as we walk through Trafalgar Square.

Much prettier by night than it is by day, the National Gallery imposes in front of us. In mid-December, the sun sets by four-thirty—the latest but we haven’t stopped since early this morning. For the past two weeks, Rachel has been taking me to the most amazing places.

First, we went to Windsor, Castle - the luxury! Those people are crazy wealthy! Then, we’ve been to Oxford, my dream college and the one I would have loved to have studied if life had permitted. Or Stratford-upon-Avon, Shakespeare’s birthplace. All of those timber-framed traditional houses drive me insane, making me want to have one of my own. Even if most of those are medieval and not very spacious.

The last couple of days have been dedicated to London, though. We did the touristic sightseeing bus tours, all the free museums there were to visit. We’ve had a relaxing afternoon feeding Squirrels in Hyde Park after that horrendous walk through the Zoo.

I hate Zoos, those poor animals deserve to live in freedom- in their habitat-, but Rachel begged me to.

Today we visited the famous Big Ben, the Churchill War Rooms and Westminster Abbey and Palace. The Abbey was what caught my attention the most. Polychrome stained-glass windows and pointed arches were everywhere. Sure they’re very specific to the gothic, its architectural style since it dates back to the Medieval Period, but never in my life have I ever felt so... intimidated. Not to mention all of the late Royals who are buried inside.

All of this, makes me think of the one person I should be forgetting all about. Vincent.

I thought this time apart would bring me some more clarity and instead... It’s making me even more confused and making me realise that my feelings are already much more profound than they should be. Than what they can be.

“Cami? Are you listening to me?” Rachel’s voice brings me back to the present.

I hadn’t even noticed we now have the National Gallery to our left, with St. Martin-in-the-fields to our right-hand side.

“Sorry! What were you saying?”

“After all of this walking in the cold, I am in dire need of some greasy food! What about Chinatown?”

“Oh my!” I fake gasp. ” A blue blood in Chinatown? Who are you and what have you done with my friend?”

“Oh shush,” she waves me off. “My father’s a Baron-not me-, but if I keep within my rank or not is the question. At this rate, I’ll live off my father until death or marry a commoner.”

“Jesus, you talk like it’s the biggest drama in life. I am a commoner, life isn’t that bad!”

“Oh it isn’t, and I actually wouldn’t live off my father since I have an awesome job, plus the commissions I do on the socials. But truth is, all I’ve ever wanted since I was young was to fall in love with my soulmate, get married and have my own family. As the years go by, it seems further and further from my reality.”

“Rach,” I squeeze her hand in comfort. “We’re so young still. You have time.”

“I know,” she hums, almost inaudible through the hectic sounds of the city. “I’ve just been lonely. Charlie and I hit it off the other night but... He hasn’t called since.”

Did they hit it off? That’s so amazing.

“I knew you were fancying each other,” I can’t help but blurt out.