Hawthorne

37 - Beginning of the end

Vincent Hawthorne

I love you so much it hurts. The words I repeated non-stop last night, now slap me in the face as a punishment. I couldn't keep it in any longer, not after the amount of time she kept being fidgety and closed off.

For a while, I thought she was second-guessing everything. Us. And all I could do was remind her of how good we are. How much I feel for her. And it was perfect.

We confessed and I had made my decision. There wasn't a shred of doubt about how I wanted to do this. Camilla is above everything else for me. But of course, it couldn't be that simple.

Never in a million years would I think I'd be a target to my own mother. That she'd be so adamant in forcing her ambitions on me, willing to throw my happiness out the window and risk our mother-son relationship. It's a high price to pay, just to get what she desires.

There's a burn on my scalp, as my hand grips my hair tightly. The pain is meant to distract me from the mess I've just inserted myself into. With Camilla's safety and reputation on the line, there's no running away from it. Not even the three scotch glasses I have taken were enough to numb the unease that is brewing inside, twisting my guts into a tight knot.

It's not even eleven in the morning and I feel like I am about to have a breakdown at any moment.

The despair is real, especially since this has been caused by my own blood. The person who I was supposed to trust the most, was the woman who birthed me.

I couldn't even look Camilla in the eyes when she stopped by earlier. The only solution to cope was by dismissing her coldly. And with every empty word out of my lips, this strong pressure was squeezing the life out of me. So much it felt like it'd give in at any moment. Especially after last night...

What a wanker.

Dread is slowly snaking into my veins, afraid of what my mum will make out of this party, tonight. Certainly, it'll be a shitshow. Even though she just got the upper hand, she will want to rub it in Camilla's face. Just to show her how unattainable I am.

In the end, she was right. I am going to be her ruin one way or the other. If it isn't her life, it's her heart. One could compare me to a tornado, that destroys everything in its wake, leaving nothing but pain and shreds of a shattered heart.

Except, it's not going to be only her. I will too. But this is not about me anymore. It's about her.

Fucking hell.

Only if it were possible to grab her and run away. Disappear from the radar and live a humble life abroad...

"Who am I fucking kidding?" I mumble to myself, before grabbing another scotch.

Even if I don't give a fuck, everyone knows who I am. Here and most likely, everywhere else. There aren't many places where we'd be able to go incognito. As things are these days, we'd be tracked quite easily. Followed. Stalked.

I won't risk it.

Especially if my mother decides to do as she promised, by leaking fake news about Camilla. It would certainly become a witch hunt.

Growing up, I admired her for being set on her goals and determined to get what she wanted, but that was the romanticized version of it. I never saw what was happening behind the curtains and wonder how many lives she ruined just to get what she wanted.

The fact she's willing to gamble on her own son for her ambitions shows she has no boundaries and no limits. It says all about her character. She will stop at nothing to get what she wants.