Humdard

Asha

ASHA: Hope

With each punch, his white cloth was drenched in his blood. "Have you lost your senses?" Not able to restrain myself, I walked toward him, grabbing his hand in mine.

"Fucking! Leave me alone..." he growled as he attempted to pull his hand away from my grip.

"Why? So that you fill the floor with your blood." I glanced at the white marble floor filled with the blood that was dripping from his knuckles. "You're behaving worse than Aarush." I shook my head and was trying to pull him towards the bed.

"I don't need your concern..." He jerked his hand from my grip. "I know... I have no value in your life. You can go and lie on the bed. I can clean the mess." He muttered, acting his stubborn self. His eyes fixed on the wardrobe before us. I stood there glaring at his figure as he overlooked my existence.

I stopped the urge of yelling at him. Inhaling deeply, I glanced again at him. "You don't have to prove to me that you're angry. I get it! But you don't have to shower my anger on Aarush or yourself... I just want to help you with..."

His furious eyes met mine. "I don't need your help." He inched closer, "I fucking don't need your help." With those words, he walked back into the washroom. I stood there feeling defeated. Why does he have to be so adamant? I wanted to just treat his wound. I shook my head. I waited for minutes but he didn't return. I compelled the urge on knocking on the door. He was burning in anger and I wasn't planning to trigger him.

I slowly sat on the couch beside. I wanted to talk. I wasn't desiring our arguments to affect the relationship he had with Aarush but maybe unknowingly I had triggered him once again. Taking a deep breath, I walked towards the door. I gave a knock twice but there wasn't any response from the other side.

"Yash..." I called him but still was gifted with silence. "I didn't mean those words. Aarush isn't only my son and you know it well..." I paused for a moment waiting for any sign that he was listening but wasn't offered any. "You're aware, he cares a lot about you more than he cares about me. Again, I am not complaining... I am just saying that he misses his Dada. If possible don't hurt him for my action." I withheld the emerging tears, I wasn't aware why I felt like crying but at that moment I felt helpless. "If possible do forgive me as well..." I muttered much to myself. I had no right of being forgiven as I had wounded him at each phase of our life.

From ignoring him to not accept him as a family. I wasn't sure if my one apology could erase all the wounds I gifted him with. I didn't know the feeling of rejection until he shove me away. He had never done that! He had never jerked me away from him. It was always me! It was me who had distant myself from him but his one move and I felt so worthless but I was confused. Was I sorry that I treated him in that manner or was I upset that he had rejected me? What was it?

I went back to my bed anticipating he wouldn't offer me his presence. He was going to ignore me! And maybe I deserved it. Laying on my side of the bed, I closed my eyes. A drop of a tear rolled down my cheek. I allowed the numerous tears to roll down my cheek as I switched the lights off. I wasn't planning for Yash to glance at it.

I hate to feel weak but that what I always was, weak. At that particular moment, the same emotion passed through my senses. I was weak! The tears rolling down my cheek muttered my weakness. I shut my eyes tightly to stop the tears but they didn't stop. I felt so helpless at the moment, so lost. I felt so unwanted! I wasn't sure why those negative thought was powering me. Why was it suffocating me? I was so engrossed in my grief that I didn't even realise Yash walking out of the washroom.

The mattress dipping beside me compelled me to hold back my sob. I had to act as if I was sleeping but tears kept emerging making it difficult to act still.