paracosm

02-overthinker

“There's a voice saying I'm a failure if I quit.
It's the same one saying that I can't make it”

“You won't succeed being an artist! You only get famous after you're dead. You can't do anything in life with drawing.”
He told himself.

“... But what if I do?”
He asked himself.

“Stop dreaming. Go work in a cafe or do something with your musical talents.”
He told himself.

“Can I get a Syrah?”

“Drinking to drown off your overthinking mind again hyung?” Kai, Beomgyu's favourite bartender asks.
Yup. Beomgyu was at the bar, the only bar that he actually likes since they have all kind of drinks and not just beer and some random cocktails. They also have wine for example.

“Yeah”

“Ah, okay, but don't get drunk this time. It's gonna be a busy night, I don't have time to bring you home this time.”
Kai always brought Beomgyu back home if he would get drunk. He told him many times to not get drunk or at least try to. But Beomgyu's mind didn't want to shut up most of the times, which caused him to drink more and more till the point he was drunk.

“Wave a white flag before you lost”

“I don't wanna be an artist anymore. Can I stop going to art academy?” Beomgyu asked his parents. They were shocked, their son always loved to go.. he dreamed of being an artist.

Beomgyu actually didn't want to stop but his mind, it didn't stop telling him to stop. He didn't know whether he could win so he gave up before the results came out.

“Beomgyu, dear, are you sure?”

“...I am...”

“So what's got you overthinking this time?”
Kai asked as Beomgyu chugged another glass of wine down.
“You know that I work as a song writer. I got an assignment to write a song about having a free mind. But what's a free mind like? Because my mind is always lose. I can't get a grip of my thoughts. They keep rushing in and it's stressing me. But then I start thinking about why can't I just stop thinking for a minute.” Beomgyu sighed. He gave up being an artist in drawing to become an artist in song writing. Just like his mind told him years ago. But now his mind is playing tricks again.

“Maybe, just stop. Don't listen to a single voice that says the opposite of what you want. Do things you love even if people judge you, even if your own thoughts judge you. In the end it only matters if you're happy.” Kai advised. He knows what he said is hard to do but he has done it and he's sure his hyung can do the same.
Before he continued he poured the older's second glass of the wine 'syrah'.

“Spend a little less time in your head and go back to art academy. Start drawing again. I know you miss it. Just get up in the upcoming week and just go. Start again. If you need support just call me.”
He finished. He looked at his hyung's face it was blank. He didn't knew what to say. Whether his hyung was overthinking again or just blandly staring a hole through his glass of wine, that he didn't know. But he was sure his Beomgyu will make it.

Beomgyu nodded.
“I'll try. Thank you Hyuka.”

“No problem.”

“And I'm finally trying to see things face to face”

–581 words