paracosm

07-no mood killer

It was around 9 o'clock in the evening when Beomgyu arrived home after staying at his parents house for the day. He came home all gloomy, upset, angry. He really just needed to tell someone about his day.

But when he was about to go to his boyfriend who was in the living room with the others happily playing games and laughing. Beomgyu couldn't help but feel guilty, he was about to rant or vent —he didn't really know which one for sure— to them about his day and ruin the happy and bubbly atmosphere.

So instead of letting himself go on and ruin the happy atmosphere he stopped, greeted them, gave Kai a kiss on the cheek and went to his and Kai's shared room. He decided that if he couldn't talk to someone about it, it would be better to just sleep. Because you can't be sad when you're busy sleeping.

  ⟨the next day⟩
‹Beomgyu's pov›

Today we had dance practice and I was feeling better than yesterday but still I felt heavy, my mind was kind of a mess right now.

We were now having our break, I sat infront the mirror. I wasn't looking at myself, I didn't feel like it. Why should I have to constantly look at myself?
Because I'm handsome? Yeah no, I'm just an arrogant guy who thinks he looks good 24/7.... Well atleast according to my parents who suddenly got mad at me yesterday.

›the day before at Beomgyu's parents house‹

“Seriously. Beomgyu when are you going to stop being so immature? We also find you good looking but you don't have to act like a arrogant bastard who thinks he's the best looking one in the world.”

“Wha- dad I just-”

“No just. I really love you son but you have to drop this attitude. We find it fine if you think you're good looking but you don't have to act like you're the only one!”

“Yes, Beomgyu dear, I agree with your father.”

“But why? Dad why did you suddenly bring this topic up? I came over to have a good day not to end up arguing!”

“I am just telling you stop being so arrogant. I'm not trying to start an argument, son.

“But father! This is so random! I was just talking about how moa's always tell me how handsome I am so I must be very handsome in their eyes!!”

“Yes I know but you act like super arrogant. Being confident about yourself is good but this? This isn't confidence. You think too highly of yourself.”

“What?”

“You heard what I said.”

“You think, that I your own son, Choi Beomgyu think too highly of himself? Mister Choi, Father. Don't you remember when I was suffering from low self-esteem and anorexia? I wouldn't have had that if I think so highly of myself!”

“That doesn't matter that was a long time ago!”

“I only stopped STARVING myself LAST YEAR father!! How is that a long time ago? I'm still suffering from it! I'm scared to consume food, I'm terrified if I gain weight. Something like my eating disorder doesn't just disappear in a year of stopping one of the things I used to do! I'm still fighting the urge to puke the food out after consuming it! I mostly try not to eat infront other including Kai and the others! Dad, I may be better than I was before but that doesn't mean I'm not scared of going back the way I was!”
Beomgyu yelled at his parents, well more precisely at his father. After he looked at his mother he took his bag, put his phone in his pocket and ran out, to the train back home. He always took the train from Daegu back to his home, to the members in Seoul. To his beloved Kai.