paracosm

04-loved you

He slammed 'their' door shut and ran. How could he stay? How could he stay and watch?

Beomgyu had a bouquet of roses in his hand, as he ran he clenched it harder in his hands of anger. He was mad at his lover and himself.
Why himself? Because he caught them last time too but he believed his beloved by saying it was a dare since they were with their other friends. He said he didn't want it but his friends.. Beomgyu believed his little lie, oh, was he a fool, there were a few times when he was fooled by them before too. But what he just witnessed was... the evidence that his first suspicion was correct.

Beomgyu finally stopped running and leaned against the wall behind him. Hands on his knees panting, his eyes shut. How could Kai had done this? Couldn't he atleast break up? So he didn't have to have his heart broken? So their relationship didn't have to end with the other cheating?
He was sure he would be in less pain then if they just had broken up instead, because he didn't need to keep up with the lies, with one sided love.

Beomgyu opened his eyes, he had finally catched up a normal rhythm of breathing. He stared at the bouquet in his hands, the paper rapped around it was almost destroyed, and the roses.. made him remember the scene he saw when he got home. The rose red couch with his lover and another man passionately kissing, candles lit, roses in a vase. They were his 'lover's' favourite flowers. He, Beomgyu liked them too but now, that he was looking at them he couldn't think anything good about it. He despised them now.
He threw them to the trash can, not even caring if they didn't end up in there. He wasn't going to that house for sure, maybe to pick up some things later but he decided to stay over at his best friend's house.

"You would use your songs to say the words you couldn't say
And every word you sang was about you and me"

Beomgyu was awake for an hour now, his older friend, Soobin had woken him up telling him that he'll be off to work.

So Beomgyu was left alone. He was sitting on the ground thinking about the times with his ex lover. He had send Kai a message that he saw what happened last night and that he had enough of the lies, that he had enough of Kai and his choice of cheating on him with another guy. He send him a break up message. Kai.. didn't even try to come up with another lie this time. He just answered with 'I don't regret any of my choices of cheating on you. You weren't enough for me anyway. I'm not the angel you believed I was. You're really stupid to think that you're more than him, more than Taehyun.'
As Beomgyu read his reply, he wondered why he wasn't enough. But one thing he was sure of that he never thought of Kai as an angel. He thought of him as an human that he loved so much he used to mean so much to him. And.. he didn't think he was more than Taehyun at all, he actually looked up at the younger.. how talented he is. How amazing he was.

He started thinking about the relationship he had with Kai. How in the beginning of their relationship Kai would sing songs he had wrote for me since he wasn't that good with expressing his love towards me back then. Was it actually love back then? Or was he being cheated on from the beginning, was he just being used? He questioned himself

He got a text from Kai, which got him out of his head.

'Come get all of your stuff. I don't want any of your garbage in my house anymore. Or I'll throw it away.'
The message read.
He replied with;
'I'll come get it. Just leave it as it is and continue your shit with Kang.'
After he saw it was left as "seen" he blocked and deleted his number from his phone and unfollowed all of his accounts on social medias. He stood up and went downstairs, taking the bus to Huening's house to get his stuff. He was only going to get his important stuff and put it in his bag, the rest in a box.

"I loved everything you wrote"

Beomgyu had finally arrived at the house. Using his extra key to open the door not even caring to knock. And went to collect his stuff as the two just eat each other's mouth. After Beomgyu had all of his things, he stood by the door, putting down the box and said; "You know Huening? I actually loved you. Believed you, believed every lie of yours just because I loved you. I never thought you of an angel, I thought you were someone special in my life that I loved so much. I don't think I'm more than Taehyun. I actually think I'm less than him." Beomgyu paused for a second turning his head to the two younger males before continuing "You're really an ass. Not for choosing to cheat but to fool me. Did you even ever love me? I feel like the answer would probably be no, you probably already forgot about all of the things we did, what I did just for you. But that's okay. I don't give a shit about you nor Taehyun anymore. Go fuck each other and what not. All I did was love you, I did everything I could for you. So when I'm off in succes later on or something happens to you. Don't come to me or do but I won't give a shit. I hate liers. Especially the ones who are too much of a coward to simply break up."

He picked the box back up and stepped outside. He let out a shaky breath. He wasn't completely over him but at least he got to say what he wanted to the most. He walked back to the bus stop, he didn't bother closing the door. He did put the extra key on the ground. And left that place, stayed with Soobin for awhile which his hyung allowed after hearing the reason.

7 months later
______________

Beomgyu finally got his own place, he even started working at a new place. His job was a dance teacher's assistant.
Yeonjun an amazing dance teacher who didn't say dancing consisted from just talent but from hard work, from passion, from your love for it, from setting boundaries and goals. He didn't except students that just wanted to learn it because they were forced to and told the parents that they shouldn't lie about their child wanting to learn something. Their response always was 'But they've got talent!"

He would chuckle and answer them with 'Sure they have talent. But if they're forced to, will they practice? They can't love something they know will never give them a feeling of happiness or even the feeling of love. Because they know they're lying to themselves, forcing themselves to stay longer even though they know that they shouldn't."

The parents would then just give up trying to get their child in something their child doesn't want. But how would we know whether if they actually stopped trying to do that or not? Maybe they were still going on with their lives as liars, fooling others, hurting others with their actions maybe they'll keep on doing it. Maybe they won't.

It's their choice what they do. But they shouldn't hurt someone else just because they're real cowards. Sometimes they just loved something so much they believe their lies more than the obvious truth.

"There is no other love,..."

-1320 words