paracosm

10- "don't understand"

Kai was yelling at his best friend, Beomgyu. Telling him how much be despised him, how he couldn't believe the older always got everything, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"Kai, stop yelling now please, what's wrong you can tell me? What happened?" Beomgyu stepped closer to the younger, yes all of the things that were being thrown at him hurt but there must be a reason to why.

"Hyung, he likes you! You know- maybe if you weren't, you he wouldn't have fallen for you!"

"I don't understand Kai-yah.."

"Yeonjun, Yeonjun he likes you. You don't understand, I've liked him for so long, but no he had to like you instead! Fuck you! You really just don't understand how much it can hurt to not get this one, person or thing you've been longing for so, so long!"
Kai screamed at the older, hitting his chest over again and again, and again.

"But why are you mad at me? I don't like him back Kai, I'm in love with someone else.."

"Yeah sure! And you've never told me who this person is, SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST YOU?"

"Kai, I don't like him, I promise. The one I like, or well love, is you and I always wished the best for you, I- he had confessed to me last year but I told him I've got my eyes on someone else. I'm so sorry."

"Oh and now you're gonna use the excuse of that you've been actually inlove with your best friend huh? You're really stupid to think that trick works on my Beomgyu, really stupid." Kai lifted his backpack and left the older's dorm.
Beomgyu only stared at the door that had been slammed shut, his shoulders going up and down, he broke down in tears. Sliding down the kitchen counter, buried in his own hands, he tried his best all along to not ruin their friendship but it ended up in no success.

Some time passes and he was just rocking himself back and forth, he shouldn't be acting like this. It was all his fault, maybe if he really wasn't like, himself Yeonjun would stop liking him and Kai would have a chance with Yeonjun, that all he needed to do right? To change himself. He thought about the things Yeonjun had said to himself last year, about the things he liked so much about him. "I like you because, you're always looking so healthy, enough meat on your bones, nice style of dressing, cardigans and black jeans, a white shirt underneath, you always wear cardigans and it makes you look adorable.. the way you've never died your hair before... I guess I just have a thing for healthy neutral people.."

He had to change those things, so, less meat on the bones, new clothes style and new hair.
It was still a week break and he hadn't seen Yeonjun in weeks.
And so Beomgyu picked himself up, looking at the clock on the wall. 6pm(/18.00) his usual dinner time, he didn't feel like eating dinner today, so just skipping it for a day wouldn't be so bad right?

But it was, he started to skip more necessarily needed daily meals more often. He had died his dark brown almost black hair to blonde and his clothes style changed to more hoodies and sweat pants. He put in his earrings that he had gotten when he got his ears pierced on his birthday. And bam, new Beomgyu. New life style new everything, everything he needed to see Kai be happy with his new partner.

It was a month later and Beomgyu had gotten a new roommate as his last got tired of the "lazy" boy never making dinner. But to Beomgyu's surprise the new boy was- so so caring. He didn't expect anyone to be so caring for him especially not after his fight with his best friend, he didn't deserve any care and so Beomgyu tried to push the boy away in the physical, emotional and mental way. But to his surprise, the boy just kept coming back. As if he was his best friend, no no one is like his best friend, no one is like Kai. But how much longer could he keep up with how he was right now? Was changing himself really the right way? Beomgyu mentally slapped himself telling himself; 'It's all your fault why are you questioning it? You're just a selfish asshole.'