𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐗 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

Will always have someone (Sad Levi X Reader)

We suffered a huge loss. A loss we can no longer take back. We're alive but it didn't seem like a win for any of us. We got out of there alive and I know that should be enough but it's not. We came in huge numbers and hope to claim the wall Maria back but we couldn't. We thought we were prepared but we were so wrong. 

The commander is dead and so is most of the people's hope to survive from this hell that we call life. Levi, he's devastated for the loss of one of his dearest friend and is also carrying the blame that people put on him for the death of the commander. I was there, I was there to witness how it all came crushing down. 

We were dealing with the armoured and colossal titan. We managed to kill the colossal titan but it also cost many of our soldiers. We couldn't bring them back, we can only bring one back to life and Levi chose Armin. 

"Did he come out of his office?" I asked Hange, our new commander and is also one of Levi's great friends. She shook her head and sigh heavily. She had been trying to talk to him these past few days but Levi would never open the door. He was mourning all alone.

"I'll try, I'll tell you if it works" She smiled and nodded her head and left me there. Like Hange and Erwin I was also a good friend of Levi's, we've been friends ever since he lived on the underground. I knocked on her door carefully. 

"Levi? Will you please open the door?" No answer

"Levi, its me, F/n" I waited for a couple of minutes, hoping that he would open the door for me but also doubt that he would. He never opened the door for anyone ever since we returned. 

I was shocked when I saw the handle of the door move, meaning he unlocked the door. I smiled and got in his office which also serves as his room.

When I got in it was dark, it was messy, there were bottles all over the room with papers laying on top of it getting wet. It stinks so bad. Levi is a clean freak and seeing how much he let his room be this dirty, it just shows how much pain he's going through alone.

Levi was on his bed, curled up into a ball. He isn't wearing anything besides his pants which I think he's been wearing for a couple of days now, he's probably been wearing it ever since we got back. I wasn't shock or shy to see him be topless since I've seen his body a couple of times already.

"Hey, Hange has been calling you for days. Why didn't you open the door for her?" I sat beside his bed and played with his hair. He didn't answer but he leaned closer to me. He was emotionless, he wasn't crying or anything. His expression was just...empty

We stayed like that for a few minutes when he suddenly got up and sat on my lap and hugged me close. He buried his face on my neck as I place gentle kisses on his head. He was craving for every once of affection that I can give him.

We stayed just like that for hours while I wait for him to speak, waited for him to share his problems with me so he can feel better.

"Everytime I close my eyes it brings me back to that day" He spoke

"I-i can even smell their blood, I can see their hearts and watch it as it stops beating" His hold on me tightens even more as I felt drops of his tears falling down to my shirt.

"They ask me for help and I-i tried but in the end I always f-fail and they'll die in my arms" He was now sobbing but he wouldn't meet my gaze, in fact he would bury his head deeper on my neck.

"I would curse at the gods for letting them die and begging them to just take me instead b-but they wouldn't. They would rather take those people that are important to me die and haunt me on my sleep" He cried, harder. He even bit my shirt to muffle his cries so the people outside can't hear their brave captain fall apart.

"Levi" I called his name softly and he slowly met my gaze with his teary red eyes. His eyes is saying that he is tired of everything, that he just wants to rest but he couldn't. He couldn't because he wants to save the people that still have hope that they'll be free, soon. 

"We can never bring back what happened my love" I gently caressed his cheeks as I spoke softly and gently "We need to accept the fact that they are gone and continue so those people who are still alive can experience the freedom that we're so badly fighting for. In that way, the sacrifices of those brave soldiers can't go to waste" He sobbed and hugged me tightly once again.

"But I could've saved them" 

"My love, you cannot save everyone. I'm sure they're resting already, they've fought for freedom for years and years and now they can finally rest as they watch us achieve the goal that we've all been craving for" They couldn't be saved. We tried, we tried to find survivors but all of them were dead.

"I'm sure Erwin is happy and is so proud of you for surviving that mess. I know you want to give up now but you can't, we need to bring peace and freedom to everyone. You don't need to keep everything to yourself, you have me and Hange who's gonna be here for you while you fall apart" I kissed his forehead and hugged him tighter.

He looked up and sat properly on my lap before leaning in and giving me a soft gentle kiss. I smiled and kissed him back with same ferocity that he's giving. We broke our kiss and stared into each others eyes lovingly. 

Soon after that I helped Levi take a bath, get dressed, and clean his room. We soon laid next to each other and he snuggled close to me and listened to the sound of my heartbeat as he slowly drifted off to sleep. 

That day, he never had nightmares, he never woke up panting and crying. He slept peacefully in my arms where he felt safe. I don't know how long I'll be living in this world but I swore to god that I will protect, love and cherish Levi, until the day I die.

As long as I'm breathing, he will always have someone.