chapter 18- deserving

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- - - - MASON - - - - good i'll do - zach bryan

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- - - - MASON - - - -
good i'll do - zach bryan

Riley is fast asleep in my arms. Her breaths are coming out in slow, even puffs, and I relax a bit knowing that she is finally resting.

As I peered down at her though my heart constricted in my chest. Riley's head is resting on my shoulder, and her hand is clutching the fabric of my shirt. Every once in a while, she stirs in her sleep and readjusts, but Riley never lets go of my shirt, almost like she's afraid I'll disappear if she does. Riley's wispy eyelashes are still damp, and I can still make out the dried trail of tears on her rosy cheeks. The sweatshirt she is wearing - aka mine - has slid slightly down her shoulder, and her soft skin is peeking through.

The mere sight of her wearing my clothes and curled into my side was enough to make that funny feeling return in my stomach. I can't explain the full feeling, but it feels...right.

Tucking a stray piece of Riley's hair behind her ear, I let out a long sigh. Even though Kim Kardashian and her family drama that was playing out on the TV was entertaining, I couldn't help but think about today's crazy turn of events. If you had asked me this morning if I pictured myself in Riley Adams' bed anytime soon, I would have laughed in your face. Simple as that.

But when Connor called me this afternoon, he sounded so urgent, and at one point, Hope had even grabbed the phone and spoken to me. She sounded so incredibly anxious and worried that her tone made me panic a bit.

After the phone call, I tried to carry on my day like normal. But I found myself checking my phone nonstop, waiting for a message from Riley or even a follow-up from Connor. The texts never came, and I finally caved.

I felt weird just showing up unannounced at Riley's house, but Connor had warned me Riley probably wouldn't let me come over if I asked. So, picking up Taco Bar had been my version of a truce. Like, 'Hey, sorry to show up uninvited, but at least I brought Mexican food?'."

It had taken me a good ten minutes to find the courage to get out of my truck, and the only thing that kept me from turning back around was the $25 worth of Mexican food I had been holding. But as soon as Riley appeared in the doorway, my nerves about anything but her went out the window. She quickly became my biggest concern and the only thing I could think of.

Her sunkissed skin was unusually pale, and my sweatshirt swallowed her frame. I had taken a mental note to ask Riley how often she wore my clothes she wandered off with, but today definitely wasn't the day for that. Riley's crystal blue eyes were also bloodshot and puffy and accompanied by dark purple circles under her eyes.

Compared to how calm and relaxed she looks right now, Riley looked miserable when I got here. And truthfully, I absolutely hate that she is feeling the way she is right now.

Hearing her sobs and cries about Liam gave me intense flashbacks to Lindsay and I's relationship. I vividly remember the loneliness and desperation that Riley was explaining and how debilitating those feelings were. I struggled for weeks - if not months - to get up and function like an average person. Without Codie, Mack, and some of my other teammates, I'm not sure I would have made it through the rollercoaster of emotions that I felt after Lindsay and I broke up. My stomach twisted up in knots just at the idea of Riley experiencing even an ounce of that feeling.

With every bone in my body, I wish I could hold Riley tight in my arms and take her pain away. I wish I could promise her that things will get better and that one day soon, the memories won't hurt so bad. But I know that it's not that easy. I still have a hard time overcoming the blockades I put up after Lindsay, and I broke up.

Sometimes I wake up, and my heart aches for no reason. On the hard days, I find myself thinking about what could have been between Lindsay and me and everything that we could have been doing together. Don't get me wrong, I don't ever want to date or even see Lindsay again, but sometimes my heart aches because of the way our relationship ended. To think so highly of a person and for them to treat you the way she treated me... it really messes with you.

While Lindsay and I were together, I never thought that her actions were unhealthy or negative. I was lovesick, and it was like I had these little invisible blinders on. I only saw what I wanted to see, and that was my drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend.

My behaviors were almost exactly like how Riley was around Liam. I made excuses for Lindsay's shitty comments around Codie and my other friends, and I definitely got upset with them on more than one occasion when they tried to tell me she wasn't good for me. I couldn't process that they were trying to help me, in fact, I thought they were trying to ruin my relationship.

Even after Lindsay hit me, it took me days to break up with her. I remember one specific conversation I had with Codie not long after the night everything happened. I had been sulking around our apartment, barely eating or saying a word to him, and he had finally had enough. Codie sat me down on the couch, held my hand, and told me that Lindsay was the worst girl he had ever met.

"Mason," he said. "Lindsay is a horrible person. She may be hot and have great tits but that doesn't even make up for how shitty she is. She belittled and embarrassed you in front of your friends and teammates...constantly. She controlled your life man. You didn't do anything to deserve that type of treatment from her."

That was the moment I came out of the heartbroken haze I was in and finally broke up with Lindsay. Ever since that day, I have slowly been trying to erase the bad memories I have of her and our relationship. It's taken me a long time, but I want nothing to do with Lindsay Hogan, and I pray to God that nobody else falls for her bullshit.

At the end of the day, I don't know all the ins and out of Riley and Liam's relationship. But I do know what she has told me, and based on that, I can tell that Lindsay and Liam have some similarities. Their erratic behaviors have a way of tearing you apart piece by piece until there is nothing left of you. And I will do anything in my power to be the friend Riley needs over the next couple of months to help her process everything and realize that she deserves so much more than what she was given.

A girl like Riley Adams deserves the world, and I'm gonna prove that.

A girl like Riley Adams deserves the world, and I'm gonna prove that

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