Story of my life

There is no spoon

If you've watched The Matrix, this chapter will make more sense.

I have a great father.

Was that sarcasm? I don't know, actually.

He started quoting me because I say "why the heck not?" a lot, so he started quoting me every time I say it.

So I got revenge.

I said to him, "In the Matrix, who said 'there is no spoon'?"

He replied, "Originally, it was one of the orphans."

So I hit back with, "'There is no spoon.' -Random Orphan Child."

And then he was like, "Oh no, it was NOT a random child."

So anyway, time passed, and he farted.

Now his farts smell BAD.

REALLY BAD.

Like rotten eggs. Bleh.

So he farted and I'm holding my nose while yelling, "There is no fart!"

And he kept saying, "Oh yes, there is a fart. And it's smelly!"

Then I just went, "No, god, no, please, I don't want to die of gas poisoning."

He just laughed at me.

Then I said, "I will banish you to the depths of Matrix hell in the rabbit hole of the matrix hell hole of the holey holes noses!"

I lost the sentence about halfway through and just added random words to try and make it longer.

It worked, because he looked at me like I was mental. 

Also this is completely off topic but it's funny, soooo.... ^_^

I'm doing a week of work experience for school. Today while I was eating my lunch an employee named Tom sits at the table and says, "Hi, I'm Tom."

I cursed myself for having a mouthful of food and not being able to reply because if I had replied, I woulda said something like, "Hey ten second Tom!" 

If you get the reference, you get the reference. If you don't, it's about a guy named Tom who's memory refreshes every ten seconds. So every ten seconds he just randomly says, "Hi, I'm Tom."

But yeah!

Spoons.

They do not exist.

Every time I see a spoon, I just stare at it intently until I realize I have better things to do.

Also, like immediately after I watched the first Matrix movie, because my dad wanted me to watch it, I would not stop asking if we lived in a simulation.

Eventually he just stopped answering my questions.

Also I tried to pull a Neo the other day.

It didn't work. It gave me a headache.

Because I had HPE, and we were playing dodgeball.

Now normally, I love dodgeball. But the people in my HPE class peg the balls HARD. Like, really hard. When they hit the walls, there's this loud BANG. It scares me and it hurts really bad if you get hit. 

So I was just hanging at the back trying not to get hit when a ball comes flying towards my head.

I try to stop it in mid air the way Neo stops the bullets in mid air.

It didn't work and the ball hit me in the head, giving me a headache and probably killing about 20 of my braincells.

I sat out for the rest of the lesson. 

In case you don't know what 'a Neo' is, this is what I mean:

So instead of stopping bullets, I tried to stop the ball. And I failed spectacularly.