weak ➸ camren

chapter 20 ➸ maybe i'll come back as a bird

Lauren slammed the front door behind her, throwing her keys on the counter and collapsing onto one of the stools in the kitchen. She couldn't believe that had just happened. All she wanted to do was be able to hold Camila in her arms and comfort her, but she'd been forced to leave the hospital and come back during 'visiting hours.'

The tears hadn't stopped since the moment she got back to her car. This was all her fault. She should've noticed something was up. What if Camila had actually followed through? Lauren shuddered at the thought and another sob racked through her body.

Eventually she pried herself up from the counter and slowly made her way upstairs. All she wanted to do was lie in bed and forget about everything that was happening. She was just about to turn into her bedroom when she noticed one of the doors across the hall was cracked open. It belonged to one of the trashed bedrooms that they had never gotten around to cleaning up.

Cautiously, Lauren took a few steps forwards and pushed the door the rest of the way open. What she saw made her feel physically sick.

In the middle of the room sat a collection of pill bottles. Every single bottle that had been stored in their medicine cabinet was now piled up on the floor. A few had been opened, and different sized pills were scattered about the floor. Lauren's legs grew weak and she dropped to her knees on the floor.

How could Camila do this? Lauren's hands covered her mouth and she gasped for air through sobs. She couldn't remember ever crying this hard in her life. Her chest ached and she felt as if all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. If this hurt so badly, how would she have felt if she had actually found Camila... dead? Another sob escaped her lips as soon as the thought crossed her mind.

A sheet of paper caught her eye a few feet away, and she scrambled towards it, grabbing it and holding it out in front of her. She was desperate for some sort of explanation... maybe this was all some sort of sick, twisted joke. Maybe the camera men from Punk'd were waiting in the other room to come in and surprise her.

But that wasn't the case.

Lauren's heart dropped the minute she saw the paper. She barley recognized Camila's handwriting. It was shaky and nearly illegible. Tears spotted the paper and caused the ink to bleed. The green eyed girl wiped her eyes and held the letter close to her face.

Hey.

If you're reading this, I'm dead. God, don't hate me. Please. I tried as hard as I could. I really did. I just couldn't.

Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. You're going to blame yourselves but there was nothing you could've done. This is my problem and I've made the decision to end it on my own. You'd only prolong my suffering by trying to help. I love you so much. Please don't ever doubt that.

Sofi. I love you. You're my butterfly princess forever and always, okay? And just because I became this messed up doesn't mean you have to. Pick flowers, hug people, love yourself. Don't do what I did. I love you. I'm always your sister.

Dinah, Mani, Ally, I don't blame you if you hate me. I really don't. I've been the biggest bitch to you and I have no explanation for why. This isn't your fault, so please don't think it is. I love you so much, thank you for trying to help me. Even though I'm dead, your effort meant so much to me. Take care of Lauren for me, I beg of you.

Lauren. I am so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if this hurts you... if I've hurt you in any way. I've been putting off writing to you because I don't want to realize that I'll be leaving you today. I love you more than you will ever, ever know, and I've probably made it this far because of you. Thank you. Thank you for showing me love when no one else would. Thank you for not giving up on me. You showed me unconditional love and eternal friendship in so many ways. You were always there for me. To laugh, to cry, and everything inbetween. You've shown me the better parts of myself that I never knew existed.