I Will. (Urban)

20

Jay

"Can you slow down? Baby please, just breathe for me--"

"She's alive, a-a-and I seen her."

I don't remember the drive back from the cemetery, or walking in, or Nina kneeling in front of me right now, wiping my eyes. The only thing flashing through my mind was Domonique's dead body, and then her live one standing right in front of her tombstone.

"Jay, who is alive, hm? Who did you see?"

"Nique... D-Domonique she's still-- she's still..."

It felt like my brain was collapsing on itself. There was no way someone could look so much like her and not be her. And to be at that exact location on the 6th anniversary of her death? That's not a coincidence.

Somehow, someway, she did not die in my arms. We did not bury her-- not the real her. Because she stood right in front of me and told me she was still alive. And I watched her breathe.

My chest tightened at the thought, and suddenly it was hard to get air in.

"Nina, what's going on?" Wren came from the kitchen to where I sat, balled up on the couch.

"I don't know...Jay, please breathe. Look at me, okay," her soft hands cupped my face and wiped away tears I hadn't known had fallen. I focused on the feeling of her fingers grazing my cheeks, willing away the brutal images of D lying dead flashing through my mind.

Nina turned back to Wren, "He just came in talking about Domonique. He said he saw her." They looked at each other with concern, but I recognized the silent communication flashing between their eyes.

They thought I was crazy.

Wren jerked her head over, telling Nina to come to the side with her. I strained my ears to hear what they were saying, whispering behind my back.

"Same thing happened last year. He thought he saw her, too. Was getting ready to chase someone in the cemetery before I pulled him back."

"So you think this is a seasonal thing?"

"Honestly, yes. We all get triggered around the anniversary, him too. But he's never had a reaction like this."

"That's because I saw her, forreal this time. And don't be chatting shit behind me because I'm right here and whatever you sayin' can be said in front a me."

Ever since my first breakdown and the trial, I get the feeling that everyone around me handles me with kid gloves. Like I'm a fucking glass they're afraid to drop. They don't know I can tell how they bite back their words and watch what they say around me. It's because they know how bad it can get for me, and it's their way of protecting me. I get it, but I won't lie and say that shit ain't annoying.

At this point, Flora was already coming up with a concerned look on her face. "Wren ain't mean nothin' bad. We just worried about you is all," Nina touched my shoulder.

"Look, I- I know y'all don't think I'm telling the truth, but--"

"But what, Jaylen? You seen a girl who been dead for almost ten years now?! I will never tell you how to grieve or how to feel. But I can't keep doing this with you. I can't keep seeing you like this."

"Wren," Nina whispered, telling her to ease up on me. Flora side eyed Wren as well, though she shrugged.

"Nah, nah. Say what's on your mind." I was feeling bold now. It was obvious that she had been feeling this way for a while.

"You're tired from running the business, all that shit with Sierra and the trial... I think all of it has left you drained. And this day is just bringing up more bitter feelings about the way things ended with D. There's no way you saw her, fam. She's gone."