Spiderman Oneshots

Drunk

Peter was at a party. 

He hated it.

As Midtown's resident capital N Nerd among nerds, he didn't get invited to many parties. In fact, the only one he'd been to before was the one Liz had hosted, and he'd only been there for about 20 minutes in total. And honestly, that had been fine with him. Peter was far more comfortable tinkering alone in a lab than mingling with a house full of people.

This particular party was being hosted by one of Peter's classmates, but not one he'd every really spoken to. They were using the Decathlon team's recent victory as an excuse, so Peter had been invited on principal. He'd been planning to decline, but Ned had been really excited about the invite and persuaded Peter to tag along with him.

Peter was regretting this. 

"Come on, it's not that bad," Ned sighed, knocking his shoulder against Peter's in an effort to make the boy engage with his surroundings. 

"It is," Peter mumbled. "Can we go yet?"

"It's barely been an hour, come on. This is only the second party I've ever been to, and after how badly the first one went you owe me this, Peter."

Peter sighed, knowing his friend was guilt tripping him and hating the fact that it was working.

"Fine. But I'm leaving after another hour."

"Deal," they shook hands like it was some kind of business agreement. Peter sighed and drained the rest of his glass of water. 

"I'm going to get another drink," he said, and went over to the kitchen where the host had set up those glass tank things with taps attached for people to help themselves. All of them were in varying colours, so Peter had opted for the clear one and was relieved to find it was just water.

Ned was pouring himself a purple drink but suddenly looked alarmed when he saw which tank Peter was pouring his drink from. "Dude, no!" He snatched the cup and tipped it into the sink.  

"Ned! What was that for?"

"You do not want to be drinking that," Ned said with a laugh. "Have some of this, it's just squash."

"I've been drinking this for the past hour," Peter said, rolling his eyes as he poured another glass of the clear liquid. "It's literally just water."

Ned seemed unconvinced. "I don't know... I'm fairly sure I heard some guys saying it was vodka."

Peter snorted. "They were probably saying that to impress everyone else," he offered his drink to Ned, who cautiously sipped it then pulled a face and spat it out. 

"No way. Dude, I've never had vodka but whatever that is, it's super alcoholic."

"Really?" Peter frowned and took a deep gulp of his drink. Ned looked horrified as Peter swilled it around his mouth then swallowed. "I mean, maybe it tastes a little funky? But I've had, like, five glasses of this stuff. Shouldn't I be really drunk by now?"

"Yeah. You really should be. Are you sure you're not? Is everything still in focus?"

"I feel completely normal," Peter shrugged. At that moment, a girl passed them and crowed when she saw what Peter was holding, which drew attention from others nearby.

"Ooh, Parker's on the strong stuff!" 

"Go on then, down it!" A few people started making chicken noises.

Peter shared a glance with Ned. "Your metabolism," Ned realised quietly. Peter nodded. His metabolism was incredibly fast, which sped up his healing and meant he needed to eat twice as much as a normal person. He'd even discovered in the past that it meant he burned through poison and sedatives a lot faster as well, but he'd never considered that it might apply to alcohol as well.