Rogue

6: Reveal, Recognize, Repent

Alex:

My mornings began with a splash of water to the face, a bowl of sometimes burnt porridge thrown in front of me, and when I finished, a brief reprieve from my bindings to piss and shit.

Robin was gone and even though no one knew that I had helped him leave, the Alpha and Blake knew that it was my fault. My punishment was inevitable and I didn't care. Just as long as he wasn't Blake's. With my Mark on him, he would always be mine.

I expected to be whipped and thrown in the dungeons to rot, but I was surprised when Elder Elijah stepped in to take responsibility of my punishment. Even more surprised when the Alpha agreed but I should've known better. I wasn't born yet when Elder Elijah was Alpha, but I heard he was strict and ruthless during his reign. And that showed through his treatment of me.

He never beat me. Hasn't hit me a single time since I've been in his care. In many ways that was worse. I was used to being hit to the point where I could zone out, like an out of body experience, and just let it happen. Then I'd find somewhere to heal and acted as if nothing had happened when I went back out. And of course seeing Robin always made it that much better.

But locked down in Elder Elijah's basement was mental hell. All I had was my thoughts. I couldn't even move around freely down here. Nothing to do but to sit here and think. At first I thought up ways to escape. Then I cursed Elder Elijah. And Blake. And sometimes even Robin.

When my thoughts turned to Robin at first all I could think about was the way he made me feel. Just seeing him made me feel warm inside. I wanted to keep him all to myself, lock him away so no one could see him or touch him or hurt him.

But I was the only one causing him pain.

When I realized that I cried for a long time. All I could think about was how that fucking picture was the last time I saw Robin smile. When he left, he was...practically fucking dead. He was too thin, his skin too washed out. And his beautiful eyes were flat and empty when he looked at me.

I did that.

After one week I lost track of time as I became consumed with my own mental torment. Every day was exactly the same, sitting in the darkness with only my sins to accompany me.

I cried. I screamed. I bashed my head against the cement, wishing for my own death. But who was I to take the easy route when I made the life of the one I love a living hell. The things I said and did to Robin are unforgivable and I had to live, to repent and give Robin my entire existence in payment.

Eventually I stopped. I accepted the abrupt awakenings, the gruel I received for breakfast lunch and dinner, the cold hose downs, the timed bathroom breaks. I didn't deserve any sort of luxuries. I was a beast. No better than a dog.

One morning I woke up naturally for the first time in a long time. There were no bindings on my wrists or ankles and the door upstairs was open. I cautiously made my way up and into the kitchen, where Elder Elijah was sitting at a table with a cup of coffee in his hand. Two plates sat on the table, one partially eaten and the other full with pancakes, eggs, sausages, and bacon. My stomach growled and I had to wipe the drool from my mouth.

"Sit." Elder Elijah commanded without looking up, and I immediately sat where I stood. He glanced at me with a sigh. "At the table, Alex."

Oh.

I stand and slowly make my way to the chair opposite him. It felt so strange to sit normally again, I wonder just how long I'd been down there. I stare at the fork and knife on either side of the plate. They look like foreign objects I couldn't even remember how to use.

But when Elder Elijah said 'eat' I pick them up and use them as best as I could to shovel down every last morsel of food on that plate. I hadn't even bothered with the syrup. Elder Elijah remained silent as I ate and only stood to pour me a glass of orange juice that I immediately drained.