Redamancy | Elena Gilbert

Chapter 31

She felt much better the following day.

She tried to push aside thoughts of guilt. Rosalind promised herself she'd try to be a better person, one that didn't lash out so furiously, who didn't snarl at the people closest to her. If she wanted to help Elena, she needed to stay firm.

Bright and early the following morning, she went to the Gilbert House with muffins and coffee. Jeremy was glad to receive his serving then dash out to school. Elena was still taking another few days off to settle properly into her transition.

"So, what's the verdict?" Rosalind asked her as she sat with her to eat. "Bunny diet or blood bags?"

"Caroline made me a spreadsheet with everyone's opinions," said Elena. "So, you, her, Jeremy, Matt, Tyler, Stefan, Damon, and Bonnie. Eight people, eight opinions. Stefan was the only one vouching for the bunny diet. Everyone else thinks that I should get used to blood bags from the get-go. So, that's what I'm going to do. I brought up a mini fridge from the garage and Damon helped me stock it with blood bags. I'm going to drink one in the morning and one in the evening."

"Good. This will work out better for you in the long run. You haven't ripped out Jeremy's throat, right? So it's a good sign that you're already growing used to it. When you smell blood, just remind yourself, 'hey, this isn't feeding time. You're not hungry, you've eaten.' And then, remind yourself of your career plans. 'I'm a doctor, and I want to save lives. I won't take them.' Your own mind can be your worst enemy, so make sure it is on your side. Condition yourself into calming down, to remembering your surroundings, your goals, your beliefs. Blood is like water to you now. You need it to survive but you can better sate your cravings with other things so you don't overdose on it. Regular food, for example. Caroline was the one that recommended I eat, and when I snack on sweet things, I don't feel the bloodlust."

Elena nodded. "Rosalind, I want to ask you something."

"Um, sure, go ahead," said Rosalind, a tad nervously. Shit, what if this is about the way I was behaving? What if she's scared of me?

"Do you still like me?" asked Elena.

Rosalind blinked. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

She shrugged. "Everything feels different. Bonnie sees me differently, so does Jeremy. Everyone does. And I just... worried I might lose you because of it. You always supported me remaining mortal. I might become this whole new person. A person I might not entirely like."

"You're going through something you didn't ask for," noted Rosalind. "None of this is your fault. We do the best with what's forced upon us. I will treat you with the same amount of respect as when you were human, Elena, because you've proven to me that you are a good person worthy of said respect. Now..." she motioned to the door. "Think you want to go have a training session by the falls?"

Elena was eager to start her training. Rosalind spent the day helping her test her limits and learn to use her abilities. It seemed as if the doppelgänger actually started to enjoy it after a while, once they started to race each other and compete in push up and pull up competitions on tree branches.

"You can't change what's happened," said Rosalind once they were sparring. "You can only accept it and decide what you do from there. Will you use it as an excuse to do evil, or will you use it as motivation to continue the good you've always wished to spread in the world?"

"I'm just scared," said Elena, panting and wiping her brow. "Of it going the opposite for me as it went for... Caroline. I mean, she says it herself, she became better as a vampire. She loves it. But I... I never asked for this, I never wanted it. What if it brings out that darkness in me? Like Ric?"