Redamancy | Elena Gilbert

Chapter 41

She spent the night crying.

Rosalind had no inclination to leave the cell. She remained on the bed, curled up and bawling her eyes out. A mix of guilt and sadness swirled within her, leaving her with what felt like an unending stream of tears.

The illusion of her father and his words haunted her whenever she tried to sleep. She had no doubt in her mind that if he'd seen the way she'd been acting, he surely would have said all those things to her.

Tyler came by in the morning to bring her breakfast. "Rosie," he said, approaching slowly with a tray of pancakes, orange juice, and a blood bag on the side. "You have to eat something."

She shook her head wearily, turning over to face the other way. "I don't deserve to eat."

"Everybody deserves to eat."

"Not me," she said, her voice breaking. "Not a murderer."

"We've all killed," said Tyler. "Do you see me as unworthy of food because I killed Sarah?"

"That's not the same!" she replied, covering her face. "She was compelled, she wanted you to kill her. And the man my dad killed was compelled, too."

"What about the other people in your life? Damon has killed. Jeremy has killed. Kol and Klaus have killed thousands— maybe even tens of thousands— each. What makes them any different from you?"

"I know better!" whimpered Rosalind into her palm. "I knew better, I should never have let myself get to that point."

"Rosie, you were looking for a way to stop hurting. Once you flipped the switch, nothing could have stopped you."

"I had the plan to be a villain before I flipped it. I wanted to flip it for that reason. I am an awful person, Tyler. I don't deserve food. I deserve to rot in here."

He sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey. I want you to eat, Rosie. My mom wants you to eat, Elena wants you to eat. We want to help you through this, and the only way that can happen is if you eat."

Reluctantly, she sat up and devoured the blood bag first. Then, she took several bites of the pancakes, but didn't finish them. Tyler had the leftovers.

"Oh, god, your mom," said Rosalind, massaging her forehead. "I was awful to her."

"You didn't hurt her," said Tyler. "She's okay, she's just worried about you."

"What about the people I killed?" she asked. "If... if my count is correct, I murdered seventeen people. A smoker. Five innocents Klaus brought for me. A musician. An airport security guard. A restaurant worker. A flight attendant. Three people in a movie theater. Someone in the bathroom. A car thief. A witness. And some random guy I fed on in a car... oh... oh fuck... what did I do? What did I do... why did I do that?"

"Your humanity was off," Tyler told her. "You didn't know—"

"But I did know," she replied. "I knew what was right and wrong and I willingly chose wrong every time. I knew it was bad but I just didn't care anymore. I was selfish and evil and... I'll never know who those people's families were. I'll never be able to apologize to them. I was so careless, I haven't the faintest idea who they are, I can never honor them..."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "You can't change what's already been done. But you can decide to move forward, to heal and to find out who you want to be from now on."

Rosalind shook her head. "I've ruined everything, Tyler. Everything. Any chance Elena had to be human again, any chance there was for vampires like her to get what they wanted... it's gone now."