Stung by a Bee || Tubbo Angst

🐝 Chapter 14: Psychward

Trigger warning !! This chapter contains:
Self-harm
Suicide
Panic attacks
Depression
Anxiety
Slight vomiting
Attempted Suicide
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Tubbo POV:

It felt really odd walking into this building. But it was only for two weeks so it can't be that bad.. and Ranboo will be here as well. It was a little hard saying bye to Wilbur and Phil, I was scared.

After we got checked in me and Ran fortunately got a room together. That gave me a little bit of comfort. We unpacked our things and set them up neatly on our corresponding sides of the room. I set down a giant bee plushie on my bed along with a few other plushes. Ran was doing the same, they set down their large yootooz plush and a few other minecraft themed plushies.

After we did that, we went into one of the main rooms in the unit. Other people were on the floor playing cards or watching the television, or just talking. Ran and I found a place on one of the couches and sat for a while. We both hoped that no one would come up to us and talk.

I took a deep breath and sighed. "Boo..."

He nodded.

"I'm scared.. I just wanna go home." I said, stammering out my words.

They gave me a hug in return.

"It's going to be okay tubs, don't worry." He smiled.

I feel slightly uncomfortable here. I'd rather just be suffering in my bed and crying myself to sleep. It's all going to be okay, I feel safer having ranboo with me.

We chilled in the main room for most of the day, talking to other patients, learning card games, coloring. It was probably around five pm now, and they gave us dinner. It wasn't too bad actually.

The first day being here wasn't terrible. It sucks being away from fans though, streaming brought me a lot of comfort. I sighed.

A little over an hour later, Boo and I went to our rooms to relax before it was time to go to bed. Apparently the staff here, nurses and psychologists, will be diagnosing us both tomorrow. So that we can start taking medication tomorrow too.

I'm very nervous to be starting medication, I don't know how it will feel. Will it change me? The way I act? Maybe it will just make me happier and I'll still be myself, minus the sad side.

I don't want to hurt myself anymore. This isn't fun, I hate being in pain every waking day. Every second of everyday until I go to sleep. Do I even few happy at anything anymore? I don't know...

Then, Boo walked over and hugged me. We stayed like that for a long time, it felt really nice.

"I hope you feel better tubbo." He said as he pulled away from the hug. I nodded and gave a small smile.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to use the bathroom." They said.

Ranboo POV:

I've been hiding how bad I feel to tubbo. Ever since we came here something feels so off. I feel sick, my stomach hurts, my chest is tight, I feel like I can't breathe.

After I asked staff to open the bathroom door for me, I walked in and shut it. Turning on the sink so that the water was running fairly loudly. Hunched over the toilet because I felt sick.

The feeling became so overwhelming I threw up a couple of times. I pushed the handle down the flush the toilet and rinsed my mouth out with water.

Then, I reached into my shoe and pulled out the razor blade. I'm lucky they didn't have metal detectors. Washing the blade thoroughly with soap and water. Since I was wearing short sleeves, because this whole unit has to wear them since it's the self-harm unit, I took the bandages off of my arm.

Gripping the blade firmly, I pushed it into my arm, vertically. I started slowly dragging it down my arm until I eventually reached the bottom. Blood spilled everywhere. When I looked at what I had down I realized how deep it was.

The cut was deep enough that it reached muscle. I panicked, but then I stopped. Didn't I want this? I've been feeling miserable, even though I seemed so happy. I want to die.

I've never felt so calm and relaxed like this in years. I took off my shoe and slipped the razor back under the inside padding, in case I do survive, I will need it again. My eyes glanced to the floor and saw the dark red substance everywhere.

I've lost so much blood at this point, my vision has dark spots in it. This is it. I'm going to die. I've never felt happier. My vision started to fade and all I saw was darknesses.
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811 words

a/n

hi!! im so sorry it's been so long since a new chapter has come out. i lost motivation for writing this and deleted the app for a while :( but im back now! more chapters to this will be coming very soon, along with a new book :) im very sorry that this chapter is so short, i just really wanted to leave you all on a cliffhanger 😭 i hope you all are doing well and please take care of yourselves :] <33