- cinira 'nyiah' brooks // (18)
- july 5th 2022 | lil peep - better off [dying]
"here you go, sweet pea." daddy smiles, walking into my room, balancing a small than usual crispy crème box on the palm of one of his hands. "i got you all yo favorite kinds."
when i sit up, daddy sits the box on my lap and i feel my self get a lil bit happier when i look down at all the donuts in the box. he wasn't playing with me, he really did get me all my favorite kinds. he picked up a chocolate one, sum lil plain ones, those vanilla ones i like, and the new cinnamon one they just came out with. "what you get me all these for?" i ask, looking back at him, trying my hardest to smile but not being unable too. i don't know why; i just can't.
"anyiah told me you was having a bad day with yo hair so i thought sum donuts would make you feel better," daddy uses his hand with burn on it to mess with my hair.
i smile at him doing that 'cause he my dad and all, but i still make sure to shrug him the fuck off of me.
i don't like when he start doing that 'ole white shit and mess up my hair like i'm a lil boy or sum. i especially don't like when he touch me with the hand he got that burn on.
i know it ain't his fault he got it, but i still don't want him touching me with that hand. it's nasty.
when daddy first started dating momma, momma brother, aaron, invited him out with him and the rest of my uncles. they went to aaron house 'cause he had a pool, but daddy didn't get in the pool 'cause he ain't know how to swim.
that made aaron mad and people say it was because he thought that daddy thought he was too good for the pool, so when daddy wasn't paying no attention, aaron threw acid on him.
daddy got lucky as hell 'cause it only covered most of his back and sum parts of his arms and legs, and then one of his hands.
people say aaron was crazy in the head and he got sent away but i don't know if they mean jail or somewhere else.
"those ain't just for you," daddy says, snapping me out my thoughts. "sum for nyiah, too."
i turn my face up 'cause i hate sharing shit.
nobody woulda never had no donuts if i wasn't in the bathroom tryna make my self stay under water 'cause that's what was really going on. i ain't having no bad hair day, my hair messed up 'cause of the tub water and aniyah know it.
"daddy, she don't like donuts!" i mutter, grabbing both sides of the box. "she just want them 'cause i got them."
"nyiah, aniyah eat donuts all the time-"
"okay," i shrug, cutting him off. i ain't never cut my daddy off. not unless i'm for real, for real, mad. "don't care what she eat, i'm not giving her none. i don't wanna share."
daddy looks down at me, narrowing his eyes a lil. "nyiah,"
"i said i'm not sharing!" i yell finally, feeling sum heat rush to my face. "i said no!"
my heart start beating out my chest and all of a sudden my skin start becoming uncomfortable. that's cause i get itchy when i'm mad.
i usually bang my head against the wall when the itching become too much for me but i don't need too 'cause it's not too much right now, and i remember i had told myself i didn't wanna do that in front of daddy again.
daddy sighs and just shakes his head, throwing his hands up. "you can't be screaming at people. i keep telling you that attitude ain't gon' get you nowhere in life."
usually i would apologize, but i'm not finna do that now. i ain't do shit to feel sorry for. i told him i didn't wanna share and when he didn't listen, i told him louder.
