- cinira 'nyiah' brooks' pov | chapter twenty-six (26)
- august 15th 2022 | lil peep - life
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jul 26th, 2:11 pm
☹️ am sorry for yelling at yhu
july 31st, 4:50 pm
aaliyah
aug 2nd, 12:38 am
pls texx me
aug 13th, 3:01 am
if yhu don't talk to me
i don't git nobody
aug 15th, 4:16 am
i thought we was friends
delivered
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i can't say how long it's been since i talked to aaliyah.
since that afternoon at her house, she haven't been answerin' the texts i send. she been ignoring me, avoiding me; it hurt bad. her not being around me, me not being able to hear her voice, see her smile, and let her hug me - hurt bad. i haven't talked to chris since i don't know how long but i don't care about that. i only care about aaliyah and i been sitting here, crying, tryna' convince myself that she care me, too.
'cause like, we got nice talks.
when we talk, the talking make me feel a good typa way. if i talk to aaliyah once in the morning, the whole rest of the day gon' be good so she gotta care about me, right?
if she didn't, our talkin' wouldn't be as good as it is.
she gotta care about me.
if she care, she should call me and let me explain myself. i just want her to know i ain't mad no more.
i don't know what happened when i yelled at her but i didn't mean to do that; i promise i didn't.
i just got mad, that's all. everybody get mad.
aaliyah was in my business and sometimes i don't like when people be in my business but i ain't mean to scream. i wanna say sorry for that. i don't know what happened, i just got mad; but it should be ok after i say sorry 'cause everybody get mad. it should be ok. it gotta be ok.
i don't know what i'm gon' do if it's not. don't know what i'm gon' do if she don't wanna be bothered by me no more.
that would hurt and at the thought of me never getting the chance to be her friend anymore sits in my head, my crying get louder.
when aaliyah dog bit me, i ain't cry and even though it was hurting after all them days, i still ain't cry but i been cryin' a lot ever since the day after i screamed at aaliyah.
when i wake up, i cry. when i'm up and awake, i cry. when i'm getting sleepy, i cry, and i'm most definitely sure i cry in my sleep.
i don't know what's wrong. i used to be ok and not crying all the time but now i feel real bad. i feel awful. i feel like i'm never not gon' be ok.
sniffling hard and breathing heavy, my hands shake as i try to steady myself and get off the bed. when i'm up, i leave out the door and go into the bathroom. i turn on the water for the tub and let tears run down my face until the tub full.
without taking a deep breath, and after sitting on my knees, i let my head under the water, breathing it all in.
i don't take my head out when everything start to hurt, but before it can get as dizzy as it can get, i let my head up, coughing up hard as my body shake.
