My problems (vent)

Recent thing

Tw: 4bu$£, ¢ur$¡ng

recent thing i don't want to keep in my brain that takes away all my happiness consuming my mind.

My family has finally hit bottom. I'll pay anyone that bursts into my house and kills the one i call father. PLEASE I'M BEGGING U (jk, or not maybe-)

context: My father invited friends to come over at our house without even telling me. I already met them before and i know their child, although he is a toddler, 3-5 years old, can't even speak properly still.

The problem is that him being a child is very destructive and doesn't give a soot about me saying no to him, taking away the things i don't want him to have, get him away CAUSE HE JUST KEEPS COMMING BACK MORE ANNOYING THAN EVER!

As a "good child" (ejem, abused child that fears crying cuz might get beaten by it, ejem) i am i just kept on a smile

just being as kind as my dad will never be to me unless he comes back hypocrite 

i let him play with my kitchen toys i have since this year, my last day of the kid ;w;

and since i knew him for a long time it wasn't the first time he came to my house and got on my nerves.

and it was also not the first time he broke my stuff. 3 things actually.

 First he almost broke my playdough machine thing by stucking a doll's clothe of solid plastic in it.

Then he broke the Minion my DEAD uncle gave to me and that i really appreciated a lot cause it was one of his favourites

 (break to cry)

(keep in mind i never told my parents cause of fearing the result of them beating the hell outta me emotionally)

And now he broke my hand fan! i broke one of those i liked around 5 years ago and i thought of that one as a new chance of getting one good he freaking broke it.

And it's not like i just hand him my stuff letting him do whatever he wants before you comment it

i actually spend most of his visit cleaning all he does as he does it! And i always keep my room door closed, ALWAYS. He opens it and just goes through all my stuff as if it was his!

And also before you comment, no i don 't have that thing to lock your room mine doesn't work since i have memory (i'm as thankfull as i can be that my parents don't just invade my privacy)

And i'm just tired that i try my best to not break anything, leave all perfect for my parents sight and when i got sad-mad that he broke my fan (i really really liked the fan ;-;) and my father saw me crying...

He told me nicely he could fix it and they told the kid to be respectful and don't break my things ever again :)

WRONG! HE JUST YELLED AT ME FOR HAVING FEELINGS IN FRONT OF ALL HIS FRIENDS AND MY MOM BEING INSENSITIVE AS FUCK.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID ABOUT IT? NOTHING! JUST IGNORED IT. BITCH HELP I'M BEING ABUSED HERE

and so he yelled at me for crying which probably is one of the reasons i'm so godamn fucked up. i'm thinking.. 98% 

And after all he came as a fucking hypocrite saying "oH mY bABy yOu sHOulD uNDerStANd bLabLAblABlA-" 

I hate you. I fucking hate you. and i hate the anxiety you put into me which made me afraid of even saying I'm uncomfortable by sister calling me "mougly" but anyway... story for another day

a thanks to everyone that supports me by saying good things :)

believe me you are fully appreciated and ily ^^

bipolar af-

anyway, *writes "bipolar" into 10ft tall list of dissorders caused by my parents*