My problems (vent)

Realization

im not going to put a tw other than Psychological terror. No one is reading this so fuck everything.

Now. i just had the realization of why do i always search for angst when i see a character that i love.

cause even if its the most happiest character as an example, Kel. I see the angst on every small hint they give.

Like the fight with hero said at the graveyard, or idk living under his shadow, telling me to go first not to face his mother.

And its because i see a character that i look up to, and when i see them suffering i feel like i can comfort them, That we're on the same boat.

Like eating disorder, Living under a big shadow, Feeling the constant need to prove you're worth of existing every second.

Things like that.

I've come to the point where i feel like im bothering people by writing here when all i need is some true comfort and a hug... Hug... I can't believe it sounded weird in my mind to think "hug"

I need therapy. Real therapy. although i'm too scared to ask for it..

I was so exited to see Lucy but i got sick and i wasn't able to go... I drown my sadness in music trying to feel better by knowing people are going through the same but it just doesn't hit anymore.

I want to be able to sleep cause, "i stay awake at night thinking about what my problem is, cause i'm afraid of being thought as crazy.."

I have accepted the fact that i'm weird, i can say it like its nothing and for a long time it was the same with crazy, although i feel bad when people just.. Crazy... I don't know how to describe it at all. Calling me? Telling me? Thinking of me? Feeling about me? I need some sleep...