My problems (vent)

Love

TW: Cursing, manipulation

Funny that I do a love one on valentines Huh?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not ranting because I don't have a valentine.

I'm just realising how I got so used by the person I loved the most.

So I've been friends with them for 8 years straight. We've known each other since kindergarten but I didn't start developing feelings till elementary school. Around 3rd grade.

They confessed first, but by message since we were on quarantine, big red flag. Yet I was happy because at the time my crush had been going on for 2 years then.

Since childhood I knew they were different, it was different with them. I always followed them to EVERYTHING! they could rob a bank and I would cover them up. second big red flag

In the end we dated for a while and even after after the quarantine was at its lowest.

In the end they told me their mother checked our messages and didn't support them. Yes. LGBTQ. Not specifying though

So they weren't allowed to see me, we didn't fucking care, although they got their phone grounded for that we seemed each other at school.

After all we weren't dating anymore at that point but we're still very good friends which really freaks me out TOO MUCH.

A phrase I heard stuck with me.

"Two ex partners can't be friends unless they either never felt it or still do."

I don't remember it very well since I pretty much heard it when I was 6 so you must imagine.

I forgot it for a couple years till it remained when I realised how good friends we still where.

I knew I still was in love with them. But the thing is.. I'm in love with her.

Now I know i said I wouldn't specify but they are a trans male. (Sorry for the term I can't think of anything else and voy seems antiquated) so that explains a bit.

I knew they were very masculine and I had absolutely no problem with it, they were cute, treated me "right" and I Łįked Loved. Her.

At the end of was way too good to be true. I still liked them.

Looking back I see how toxic we could have been. Getting mad, I cried, I griefed, we made up, we fight, get mad.

So as you can tell it's kind of not good-

In the end we went to the same middle school but since we get a vespertine turn and a matutine one we sort of got separated, we still texted a lot. Like a sheet Ton.

Looking back at our messages we loved each other deeply but were kind of destroying each other with our love.

Sort of like,
I love you so much!
I love you ten times more!
I love you twenty times more!

And if you didn't reply...

You don't love me?

So yeah. We were practically glowing green from toxicity.

In the end in middle school this girl, confessed to me almost at the very start. I decided to accept cause she made me happy and I liked her a bit.

WE BROKE UP. TWO DAYS LATER. I'm mad-

According to her it was because our friends always told her not to leave me alone, to stay with me, to kiss me, and she felt overwhelmed.

Ahh... why.

After a very long time I met this guy, another trans, I liked their voice, I liked their personality and at the time I was wearing a cape thing and they had a similar one! We were really similar

Jack is his name, I hugged him every time I saw them as a friendly act and because I don't get enough hugs at home

After a while they confessed to me and I accepted! We stayed together till now and I got to accept, they were my best best best option at the moment and i love them deeply.

Anyway, too much text. Any similarities here, write how you want but I MAY not answer, I'll probably do but anyway.