My problems (vent)

Disappointment.

TW: SH, Self disapproval, cursing

A lot of people feel disappointed at something or someone every once in a while but its just easier to say it out and now they know and we're all happy.

well what would happen if the disappointment is in myself? how do i get rid of it? Self Harm.

Of course half of the people who maybe see this are like "theres another way" "you can count on me" and i understand but, it just ain't clicking on me. its awful

So i have tried it multiple times and i did unintentionally succeed a couple times cause i-

used to anger my cats for them to scratch me. Now i know its not healthy and that there's a virus from scratching and bla bla bla.

But i was a kid! An mentally and physically abused kid. I first didn't knew about the virus thing and i did that unintentionally but its just..

Now i do feel sorry for my cats and i love them and don't see them as tools, right now I'm snuggling with my cat blue and my cat panfila!

But something just makes me do it. Plus it's easier to explain that my cat scratched me than to get through a lecture and not even get therapy.

(THERAPY
maybe thats why I'm so attached to Lucy and Paola- god damn it- ill make one of that soon..)

Now i do know a lot about SH like you could use a razor blade, although it burns- dont ask why i know that.

and theres a perfect spot for hiding it which is around shoulder level but a little down, that way short sleeves, long sleeves and the other one can be good

and i'm concerned about this knowledge cause i aren't supposed to know not even half of what i do know about this subject!

at least i think it could help cause i want to be a psychologist - but moving on, The disappointment is even worse with authority people cause-

Y'know, trauma with approval sucks a lot. Like a shit ton.

(Just exploring through my autistic mind i found yet another thing to make a chapter of vent about- maybe i could do an actual series with characters and stuff out of this-)

For now thats it, ill do more veeery soon. so i hope after writing till 3 am i dont wake up also at 3. i guess I'll put an alarm..

ALSO! Any fandom you think this sort of vents would go with? maybe dsmp or dhmis, maybe even Fnaf or invent my own-

"if you have any similar experiences please feel free to share them, no one will judge no one."