2/5- Shy Bunny ✔

𝚂𝚞𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝙶𝚘𝚗𝚎

Still Monday -- 4:37 PM

Ye Won's P.O.V

"I'm not trying to get involved in any kind of relationship, wether it be being fuck buddies or not."

I've been thinking about those words ever since, it's what interrupts my happy moments or delightfully washes away my nightmares. Nightmares that I don't want to bring up to Soobin, whenever he asks if I am okay, I lie and say I'm fine, even when I just came from throwing up in the toilet.

Yes, the accident causes me physical sickness.

And mental exhaustion.

But San's been the reason to interrupting my thoughts, I should be grateful, but it annoys me as well.

He's so closed off, unmoving and still whenever I flirt with him, whenever I look for an emotion other than him being bored or disgusted by me, I fail. I've never experienced this, attraction and repulsion at the same time, how do you dislike but like the same person at the same time?!

It doesn't make sense to me.

I've asked for his number thinking if we talk too much then I'll get bored and these feelings will disappear, and in the process, I would've made a new friend. But like I said, he's like a brick wall.

Not only is he built like a wall, but he also acts like a wall, blunt and blank.

Well, that's when he isn't annoyed or disgusted by me.

Soobin from what I could hear (I was distracted) said he'd be hanging out with 'the guys' which I suspect he means, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai. So I can't call him back because of my need to vent out my thoughts...I sigh.

What to do.

I drum my fingers on my headboard as I'm laid flat on my bed, tangled in the sheets and blankets that I haven't made any effort on arranging. I'd say I'm a fairly in between when it comes to being organized or messy, like most, I'm kind of both, depends on how I'm doing mentally.

So if my mind is a mess, my room is a mess.

If my mind is cleared and isn't worrisome, than so is my room

Right now my drawers are cluttered with my clothes, and most of the rest is plates sitting on my nightstand waiting to be dealt with. Though I don't think I'm going to be cleaning my room anytime soon, I just don't feel like moving or doing anything, yet here I am bored and making up plans on how I'm not going to spend my life wasting it.

Plans that'll go down the drain like the rest of them.

I really can't seem to make up my mind.

It's be productive or lazy.

Being lazy is easier.

A peaceful, expected mental check up is what I need.

Not disturbingly loud knocks on the door.

Sitting up, I'm now facing my closed bedroom door, wondering if I should just ignore it and pretend no ones home.

I don't answer to violence, and those knocks are violent.