Book 4 - Spring

XXVIII - Map Maker

'Fuck.'

Russia rubs his face, trying not to jump at the movement around him. Texas shoves his hat down on his head before swiftly walking out the back door, his face holding an expression that looked like he was glaring through tears. Several states follow him, New Mexico the closest behind him.

New Jersey takes New York's hand and pulls him into the kitchen. Delaware walks over to the table and swipes his hand across it, sending pins and fabric flying. The rest of the states leave, and Russia finds himself alone with Dixie.

Russia turns to Dixie, seeing Dixie partially curled into a ball, his face set in a forlorn expression.

"Dixie?"

Dixie puts his feet back to the floor and rubs his fist on his chest, flinching.

'Is he hurting himself?'

Russia looks closer before it clicks.

"(Sorry,)" Dixie signs, over and over again, tears pooling in his eyes.

"Why are you apologizing?" Russia asks quietly, looking around to find an otherwise empty room.

"You don't hear them crying?" Dixie asks, staring into space.

"What?"

"It's my fault everyone's so upset," Dixie says dejectedly, his head down, "This right here is why I wanted you to leave me with that thing."

"Leave you behind?" Russia asks, horrified.

"Of course," Dixie says matter-of-factly, waving his hand, "what else?"

"Do you know why they're upset?" Russia tries.

"Me."

"But why?"

Dixie doesn't answer.

"They are upset because they love you," Finland cuts in, leaning against the wall and her arm crossed across her chest, "and they're crying because they are afraid of losing you."

"And now Texas is gonna work himself to death because of this," Dixie says, pulling at his hair with his working hand.

"Wow," Finland says bluntly, "I wonder where he learned that."

"And he ain't even the only one," Dixie continues, his gaze far away, "and they're all gonna get hurt because of me. Hell, they already have been."

"Their dumb decisions aren't your fault," Finland says, sitting on a nearby chair, her fall unstable. She stared at the bandages around her missing arm for a moment before shaking her head. "Some of them don't have good coping. That can be helped, but you can't control that."

"And many probably only now realize how close they were to losing you," Russia adds.

"I would've been long gone if I wasn't this attached. I love them to pieces, every single one of 'em."

"And they love you," Russia comments.

Dixie laughs bitterly.

"They wouldn't be crying if they didn't," Finland adds in a monotone.

"Maybe they shouldn't," Dixie says, a smile made of glass shards stabbing into his cheeks.

"And you get to choose that?" Russia asks, "you get to choose who they love? Who they care about?"

"What? No!" Dixie replies, his eyebrows furrowed and his teeth bared, "I'd never do that to them. Never! They can love whoever they fucking want to."

"Then you don't get to choose if people love you or not," Finland says, staring at Dixie, "so you will have to accept that they love you."