Used

𝐸𝑧𝑟𝑎

The drive to the hotel was quiet. Nokiah didn't say much of anything. She thanked me for the food and we ate in silence.

I couldn't help but replay the whole scene in my mind. I just wanted to know how badly I fucked things up with her. Would this make things awkward?

I didn't know what I was feeling and I certainly didn't want to give her the wrong impression of me. That I would plan a trip just to fuck her. She hardly knew me.

I didn't have ulterior motives. At least not the motives she would think I had.

"I'm sorry, we only have the one bed rooms left, or we have the Kingston Suite. It's got two bedrooms with a door that connects them. However it is on the more expensive side." The man at the front desk said.

"How much?" I asked. If Nokiah wanted space, I would give her that. She had hardly looked at me the entire night. Her eyes darted from everywhere but to me.

"It is $350 a night."
That wasn't too bad.
"Per room."

"Jesus Christ." Nokiah finally said. I almost jumped at the sound of her voice. "It's fine, the one bed will work perfectly. Does it have a couch or a futon? I can sleep on that." She finally glanced at me, waiting for some form of acknowledgment.

I nodded. I could've easily afforded the Kingston Suite, but if the one bed meant that I would be closer to her, I'd take it.

We grabbed the keys and headed towards the elevator. Luckily it wasn't crowded but it meant a few more minutes of awkward silence.

Nokiah finally turned to me. "Hi."

"Hi." She offered me a smile. Her beautiful smile. I noticed a flash of jewelry above her two front teeth. Cute.

"Can you believe the price of that suite?" She scoffed. "Millionaires must stay here or something."

I laughed. "That's the kind of money my dad would spend on a room." My father used to say that if something was cheap so was the quality. And Arthur Emerson expected the best from everything. Including his children.

"Damn. So he's like rich rich?"

I shrugged. "He makes good money." Doing bad things. "He lives comfortably."

There was silence for the next few seconds before it was interrupting by the doors opening. We walked down the hall towards the room.

Room 414.

As expected there was only one bed, luckily it was a king size. There was also a couch that pulled out into a twin size bed. So two beds, although I couldn't imagine the couch would be super comfortable.

"You take the bed, I'll take the couch." I placed my duffel bag on the couch before she could say anything. She let out an exasperated sigh before moving to the bed.

There was more silence. It made me nervous. Anxious was probably a better word for it. I really wanted to talk to her, let her know how sorry I was and for her to say something to me. Lashing out would be acceptable.

She must've been thinking the same thing. She turned around and stared at me before speaking. I could feel her eyes on my back as I unpacked my things into one of the drawers.

"Ezra." My heart raced again. "I'm sorry for how I reacted earlier. I didn't mean to come off that way." I opened my mouth to speak but she continued. "No, please let me finish." Nokiah clasped her hands together and took a few steps towards me.

"This silence is killing me. I don't want you to think that I'm being cold or something...I just had a panic attack and I needed some air. That's all. And it's just with Dorian..." she grimaced at his name. As did I.

Nokiah shook her head as if to shake him out of her head. "I just don't think I'm ready for...that." Her eyes were pleading. "I don't know when I'll be ready for any kind of intimacy, and I know you wanted me to come on this trip with you, probably to have sex with me and I-"

"Nokiah, please." I finally interrupted. "Nokiah, I asked you on this trip because I want to know you. I wasn't expecting any form of sexual interaction between us." I exhaled. "I don't think of you that way."

Lie.
I had dreamt of fucking her every night since the moment we made eye contact in the bathroom.

Nokiah lowered her eyes, was that a look of disappointment in them? She shook her head and lifted her face with what seemed like a forced smile.

"Good, because I didn't want this to be awkward. Platonic."

Platonic. The word hurt more than I had expected.

"Platonic." I forced my own smile.

***

The rest of the night was enjoyable. We had been able to move past the awkward conversation from earlier. Nokiah insisted upon ordering take out since by the time we had settled in, the hotel restaurant had closed.

"I don't know how big you are on Chinese food but these wontons are to die for." She eagerly held out a pork wonton to me with a pair of chopsticks.

She had tried to teach me how to hold them properly but her efforts were in vain. I know sat cross legged on the floor holding a too small plastic fork in my hand.

I took the food. She was right. It was to die for.

"That's really good." Nokiah flashed her perfect smile at me.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something? I think pretty much everything is closed around here." I glanced at the clock. It was three thirty.

"Yeah that sounds good."

We finished in silence. I didn't like it. I wish she would be more open. Maybe she just needed to sleep. Tomorrow would be better.

It would.