Can We Keep Her?

Nightmares

Steve and Bucky sat in the back of the Quinjet side by side. Everyone was quiet. Bruce sat on the ground huddled up. Tony paced the floor. Wanda was curled up in a ball next to Vision. Natasha and Clint were flying the plane, Steve could hear them talking quietly.

It had been one of those missions. The ones where innocent people died. Where their general rule of; arrest them, don't kill them, had been dropped because it became us or them. Bucky, in particular, had stepped up. It was like he wanted to take the burden off the rest of the group by doing all the dirty work himself. Natasha and Clint had taken their fair share of Hydra agents out. Bruce took a fair few through act of Hulk. But Bucky wouldn't allow anyone else to take a life. He saw himself as tainted and he didn't want to spread that taint to anyone else.

Particularly Steve. Anytime Steve was in a situation that left him outnumbered and outgunned, Bucky stepped up.

Now, he was paying for it. He sat staring straight ahead, his jaw set and his eyes empty. Steve rubbed the small of his back in slow, wide circles.

About half an hour out of New York, Bucky broke the silence. "I want to go and see her."

Steve sighed. He knew it was coming. It always happened when they got back from a mission. Bucky wanted to go see you. This was the first time they'd been on a mission since you'd started actually sharing a bed. Steve was concerned about how the nightmares he had would affect you when he was having them beside you. When he thrashed and screamed out. This was such a bad mission that it was quite likely Steve was also going to have trouble sleeping the whole night. It was a lot to put you through.

Steve was also aware that this was important. That Bucky needed you. Steve needed you too. Not only that, you worried and you needed to see that both of them were okay. He knew that you needed to see them at their weakest because it wasn't fair if you didn't see all of them. So reluctantly, Steve nodded. "Of course, Buck. She's expecting us to call."

You hadn't been sleeping well since Steve and Bucky had left on their mission. You still went about your usual routine. You went to work. Made chocolates. Did the books. Spoke to clients. You caught up with some friends and watched a lot of television. It didn't help. You were worried. This was the longest mission they'd ever gone on. Normally a mission lasted a couple of days tops. Often it was just a one-day, in and out.  This was different.

You weren't even sure when to expect them back. You had no way to contact them. You just had to worry and hope that they'd come back safely and that nothing had happened to them.

You were in the kitchen making a series of comfort foods to try and distract you when your phone rang. You'd personalized the ringtone for Steve, so you knew it was him as soon as the music started to play. You snatched it up and pressed it to your ear.

"Steve?"

"Yeah, honey. We're home. A little beaten up, but safe and sound." His voice sounded weary, but the relief you felt after hearing it, washed over you. It made you feel physically lighter.