Separate ways lead to the same place

Chapter 17

~narrator's point of view~

It's a week later when the unthinkable happens. Life lost in the battle with death. No one really saw it coming, even though the fear has been hanging in the atmosphere for weeks on end. Everyone seemed to think they'd have another day, the thought coming back every day. Time is cruel, you don't get back what has past. Is this why people hang on to their past, so they don't forget? So they don't feel like they don't get all those days back?
When the news came that she was gone, time seemed to slow down, as if time wanted to make the pain sting longer. Bodies went numb, as if they themselves were dead. The only thing telling them they were alive being their racing heart and their thoughts, saying nothing while saying so many things at the same time. Nothing made sense anymore.
Silence fell for a while, the first thing being spoken out loud being:''No.'' They didn't want to believe it. They didn't want to accept the loss, but the pain and the realisation seeped in eventually, making their heart sting and tears make their way down their faces.
Life is unfair. It was proven to them many times before, yet they had to get another taste of it. It hurts. It really does. It feels like a nightmare, the naive hope that they'll wake up soon enough, together with her, still there. Reality caught up to them, though. She wasn't coming back. Somewhere in their minds, they were happy that her suffering is done, but at the same time it means that their suffering begins. They felt selfish to want her back, but they won't. She's gone. Dead. It will take a while for it to feel real. It will also take a while for the pain to stop. Time can hurt so much, but it will heal you too, eventually. It's like it tortures you, yet brings you peace. It's like it wants to hurt you, because it knows you will be stronger because of it. It's like time wants to belittle us, because it knows we will grow because of it. It's like time wants us to die, so we don't waste it when we still have it. It's like time changes us, because it knows we become a better version of ourselves because of it. Time is bad, yet so good at the same time. It kills, it heals, it hurts, it feels. It changes.
You don't know what you have until it's gone.

~Ethan's point of view~

Hurt. It's all I've been feeling for a while today. It was a little after 2:43 PM. It wasn't long after I looked at the clock in the dining room. I was cleaning it, when I suddenly heard a thump. Then a scream. I ran towards the sound, then I heard nothing, but a ringing in my ears. It took me a few seconds to realise time wasn't frozen and I had to breath. I reached for my back pocket to retrieve my phone. My hands are shaking while I call the emergency number.

I'm in the hospital. Zoe is sitting next to me, but we're not touching at all. It's like there's a wall between us. We just both know the other needs space. We have been here for half an hour, though it feels like an eternity. I can't believe what happened in only an hour! Mom fell, Zoe screamed, I ran to her and saw my mom unconcious on the floor, I called an ambulance, she was brought to the hospital, we arrived soon after, we were escorted to the waiting room and here we are. About 10 minutes a go, a doctor came here and told us we have lost her. She passed. He was sorry for us before he proceeded doing his job. I don't know what happens now. I've been sitting here for 10 minutes now, Zoe by my side, the neighbour is here too. We've sat in complete silence this whole time, apart from me whispering:''No.'' That was 10 minutes a go, when the doctor had just left. I'm still trying to grasp the fact mom isn't here anymore. She's dead. She's gone. A silent tear makes it's way down my face, but I roughly wipe it away with the back of my hand. ''Let's go home,'' I say, my voice breaking a little. I stand up and start walking to the exit. I feel a hand hold mine and look next to me. The sight of Zoe makes me portrait a small smile on my face. It dissappears not a second after. I look at the ground in front of my feet and walk towards the elevator.

~A week later~

It's the day of my mother's funeral. I adjust my tie, looking into my eyes through he mirror. The bags under my eyes are a dead giveaway that I haven't slept much. My skin is pale, indicating that I haven't left the house. My hair is greasy and messed up, proving I haven't taken a shower in few days. I feel exactly the same as I look: disgusting, tired and drained. Zoe and I haven't really spoken to each other. We would just live in silence, do all the necessary things. At night, we would curl up into eachother and fall asleep, until one of us would wake up then go back to sleep and repeat that proces a few times. Even though we don't talk, we support each other. You can support yourself on a rock, right? Well, does the rock ever talk? No. You appreciate it being there, supporting you, even though it doesn't talk. Zoe has been there for me and I for her. I appreciate it so much and I know she does too. She loved my mother at least as much as I do, I know that. She has lost equally as much as I did. There won't be that many people at the funeral, just a few close friends of my mom and then mine and Zoe's friend group. My mom didn't have any family left, just like my dad didn't. He does have sister, but they didn't have contact at all, so I don't even know her and wether she's even alive. I remember my mom told me she reached out to my dad's sister when dad passed, but she never heard anything back.
The neighbour has been so helpful this past week, even though he was my mom's closest friend and he has lost her too. I wanted to help him, but when he declined my help I didn't have the energy to argue. I sit down and put my shoes on. I remember finding my mom on the terrace when I came home from work a few weeks a go. She was cleaning these very shoes. I tie the shoes and stand back up. I turn towards the mirror to check my outfit one last time and see Zoe in the doorway in through the mirror. I turn around and smile softly at her. I signal her to come closer and she does. ''Can you zip up my dress please?'' she asks. ''Of course,'' I answer. She turns around, her back facing me. I take the zipper with one hand and hold the top of the dress to be able to close the zipper easily. ''Done,'' I say. She turns around. We stand there for a while, looking in each other's eyes. We're not saying or doing anoything, just staring. I break the eye contact and look at my feet. She puts her hand on my cheek to make me look up. ''We'll be okay,'' she simply says. Those words make me smile, while tears form in my eyes. I slightly nod and lean into her touch, closing my eyes. She puts her forehead against mine, reaching with her other hand to cup my other cheek. I hold her forearms and feel silent tears making their way down my face. After a while, I lean in and kiss her soft lips, feeling her hands around my neck instantly. I put my arms around her waist and pull her closer. We pull back and I open my eyes, looking into hers. In her eyes, I can see sadness, but also reassurance. ''We'll be okay,'' I repeat her words. She nods and smiles. She then stands on her tippy toes and kisses my forehead 2 times instead of one. ''Why 2?'' I ask. She smiles at me. ''One from me and one from your mom,'' she replies, making me cry. I smile widely at the gesture. ''I love you,'. i say, my voice breaking. ''I love you too, Ethan,'' Zoe answers. Normally, I would've made a remark about her calling me by my name instead of her usual pet name, but today, I don't. It shows that she means it, that she's serious. It also holds some reassurance. I'm so glad I have Zoe and the rest of the group today. I'm happy I have them to support me.
We make our way downstairs. I quickly grab my paper on which I wrote what I want to say at the church. Then we leave to go to church. Zoe and I are in the backseat of the car while the neigbour drives us. I'm holding Zoe's hand while her head rests on my chest. We're both looking outside. Not a word is spoken during the whole drive. The tension is very uncomfortable and heavy. When we reach the church, we get out of the car and go inside. I hold Zoe's hand firmly, as if I'm scared she'll let go. She holds mine equally as firmly, reassuring me without even saying anything. The neighbour walks in front of us. We climb the few stairs to go through the door to get inside the church. We face the altar with my moms casket behind rows of chairs with a path in between the sections. We walk up to the priest that is waiting for us at the first row. ''Hello. Who is the son?'' he asks. ''I am. This is my girlfriend and my mother's closest friend,'' I introduce us shortly. He nods:''You can sit down on the first row. Is it correct that there are 4 more close friends of your mother on their way and then 5 of your close friends?'' he asks. I nod:''That's correct.''  The priest explains that they can sit next to us and behind us and that people that come to the church a lot will be her too. I nod and thank him. He gives us a planning and tells us his concolences before he goes to the back to get ready. We sit down and wait in silence. After 10 minutes, the friends of my mom arrive. They all hug us and tell us to stay strong before they sit down next to us and some behind us, leaving just enough space for mine and Zoe's friend group. ''Ethan,'' I suddnely hear. I look to where the sound came from and immediately stand up at the sight of Adam, Joseph, Alexander, Olivia and Matthew. Zoe stands up too and we make our way to them together. I go to Adam first. ''I'm so sorry, bro,'' he says before hugging me really tight. ''Thank you, Adam,'' I tell him before we pull back and I move on to Olivia and Matthew, who tell me just the same thing. I can't blame them, what else is there to say anyways? I reach Joseph and Alexander. The same conversation happens. We all go to the front and sit down. Zoe grabs my attention by puting her hand on my chest. I look at her. ''I love you,'' she simply says, making me smile a little. ''I love you,'' I answer her, pecking her lips shortly. She smiles at me and puts her head on my chest. I put my arm around her shoulders, putting my chin at the top of her head. ''Oh my god, you two are the cutest, a voice whispers behind me. I guess I forgot we didn't tell the friends about us yet. We both turn around and see 5 people with a wide grin behind us. ''Thanks, guys,'' I say, smiling when I see Zoe's red cheeks. I kiss her cheek. She seems to get why I did that and nudges my nose with her nose. I chuckle at her playful gesture. We turn around again and sit in our previous position for a while, until it starts. After a while of saying prayers, the priest announces that I can come up to say something. Zoe reassures me by kissing my forehead 2 times before I stand up and make my way to the front. I stand behind the speakersdesk and put my paper on it, before reading it.

Hello, my name is Ethan Hill. I'm the son. First, I want to thank you for being here today. My mom wasn't a person that wanted that much attention, though she deserved it. Me and my mom were very close. It has been me and her since I was 7. She was my best friend. She supported me in everything I wanted to do. She's the one that told me to chase my dreams and go to London, where I met the best people ever. One of those I can now call my girlfriend. She love my mom equally as much. I remember my mom as an energetic, selfless, caring, kind woman. She had so much love for everyone around her. It was just impossible to ever feel unloved or ignored with my mom. I loved her so much. I always thought the stars resemble people. And I believe that she's one of the stars now. She'll look after us and make us feel loved like she has done all her life, even though she's not physically here anymore. She's in all our hearts. She's a part of us, because she changed us. When you knew my mom, you changed. I believe she had this ability that made it possible to make people better people just by spending time with them. I can't believe I'll never hug her anymore, or ask her for advice. She was such a smart and wise woman, her advice was the best. I'll always carry her in my heart. And when I lie in bed at night, I'll know I can go to sleep and be safe, because her star is in the sky, watching over me. I love you mom, I always will.

I make my way back to my chair. Zoe stands up and hugs me tight. I let the tears fall. We sit down. We hold hands for the rest of the time.
When it's over, the casket is carried out of the church. I walk behind it together with Zoe, mom's friends and mine and Zoe's friend group. We walk to the cemetery close to the church and wathc her casket go down. We all throw red flowers on the casket. Red was my mom's favorite colour, but red flowers also stand for love, suffering, courage, sacrifice (battle, fire). These things fit my mother really well.

When we're home, the grieving process can really start. The friend group is staying here for a week before they all have to go back to work. I'm glad they're staying, even if it's for only a week. We went to bed early, but I couldn't sleep. Zoe couldn't either. We decide to go on a late night walk.

''The stars are so pretty.'' Zoe says. ''They are,'' I agree, looking up at the night sky. ''You know, someone really important to me once told me that every star resembles a person. Those people look out for the people on earth. They give you a light when the world is dark at night.'' She proceeds, making me smile at the thought. she stops walking, making me turn to her and stare at her questioningly. The next things she says make me fall into her arms crying:''Ethan, I hope you can look at the stars and notice one really bright bundle of light that will guide you and be your light in the dark. That one star is your mom. She will be with you forever and ever, help you when you need to find peace, or when you need to be reminded of how beautiful and amazing you are. Your mother was very proud of you. You are an amazing person and, I will promise you, that whatever happens in life, you have that bright star and me to keep you company in life.'' We stand like that for a long time, but I don't mind. I'm so grateful for her. She is truly my home. She's the place I feel good and comfortable. ''Don't ever let me go,'' I tell her, my voice breaking int he middle of my sentence. ''I won't,'' she says. She's clearly crying too.
When we get back from our walk we can finally fall asleep.

________________________________
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

xxxDieuwke

Word count: 2884