forget-me-not, neil

It wasn't your fault

I'm sitting in the bathroom, trying to catch my breath, when I hear footsteps turn the corner. I try to turn away but it's too late. Neil.

"Jesus Christ Todd! Are you alright? What happened!" he rushes towards me and gently takes a hold of my face with both hands, moving my head from side to side as he examines me. I shake him off.

"I'm alright, it's fine."

"Todd, you're bleeding, a lot."

"Please don't make a fuss, Neil, it's nothing, really it's nothing."

"What happened though? Did someone do this to you?"

"Of course not Neil, it was just a, uh, a bike accident." I know my lie was thin, I can see it in his eyes that he doesn't believe me. "My books just shifted and made me a little lopsided, that's all. It's really no big-"

"Who, Todd?"

"Who what?"

"Who did this to you?"

Damn it, Todd. Why couldn't you be a good liar? "Neil, I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Yes, you do Todd, you're a terrible liar, I know you."

"Neil, it's complicated-"

"You get kicked out for hitting another student Todd, it's not that complicated." I can feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, and as much as I pray for them to suck back into my head, they follow their own agenda and start to fall uncontrollably down my cheeks.

"Can we just not talk about this, please?" His face loses its sternness, but the worry doesn't leave his eyes.

"At least just let me clean you up?" He turns and disappears around the corner to the cabinet where they keep the cleaning supplies and extra paper towel and such. I take a moment to wipe my tears away and calm myself down. I wish I could tell him who it was, I wish I could tell him what it had been about. But I know how he'd think of me if I told him, and my friendship with Neil is worth a lot more than me being tussled a little bit. And by tussled, I mean punched in the face, thrice, then kicked in the ribs for good measure.

When he returns, I sit up on the window sill, closing my eyes as I lean back. I feel a hand touch my shoulder and I open my eyes to see Neil with some wet paper towels and a tiny first aid kit in hand. I didn't even know we had those in here. I guess there isn't much time for observations in the bathrooms when you tend to keep your eyes pointed to the ground around the half dozen half naked guys.

He moves his hand from my shoulder to my cheek, and I sit back up so that my face is just a foot from his. He dabs the cool paper towels along the cut on my upper left cheek. He's very gentle with his touch, and I can tell it's eating him up inside to know who left my face such a mess. He moves onto the cut on my jaw, which wasn't as bad as the first as his aim had been slightly off. Didn't distract from the fact that he had one hell of a ring on his right hand. The left side of my face is bruised, but not damaged by the gold piece.

"Okay," he says finally, breaking the silence, "I know this is gonna hurt like hell, but I need to clean it with some alcohol." He pulls the tiniest glass bottle of rubbing alcohol out of the first aid kit, another thing that I was unaware the school kept in the bathrooms, unscrews the lid, then pours a little out onto the folded paper towel. "I'm sorry man, but this is really gonna sting."

He brings the paper to my face, and a hundred knives jab into my cheek bone. I clench my teeth and grab hold of his other arm, squeezing the excess material of his sweater. He continues to dab it along my cut, and the stinging radiates through my face.

"Okay, um, I'm gonna do your jaw now." The same knives stab into me, but this time I'm more ready. I don't take my hand off of his arm though, instead I slide it down his arm towards his wrist. When I reach his hand, it's at that point that I realize his arm has been leaning on my thigh, his fingers splayed across the surface. Before my mind can think anything else, more pain shoots through my jaw and I grab onto his hand. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm almost done." My fingers grip onto his hand, and if it hadn't have been for the immense pain he was inflicting upon me I know I would have been a nervous wreck. My breathing is heavy though, and my eyes are squeezed as tight as they can be. I feel Neil slide his hand out from under mine, and I'm almost embarrassed about having grabbed it, but to my surprise he repositions it back on top of mine. I open my eyes, and am met with a sad gaze from Neil. For a moment I think my moment is blown, that he can see right into my eyes and tell whats wrong, but he doesn't let up. I pull my hand away and bring it up to my stinging face, turning my head away from his.

"Todd, are you going to tell me what happened?"

I open my mouth to try and give a reply, but I can only manage a shuddered breath before those damned tears start to blur my vision again. He leans in against the tile half wall, so that my thighs are on either side of his hips, and pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him, and allow myself to let go, to melt into him.

He doesn't ask me again, and just holds me. Holds me as I let go of everything into the front of his sweater. Every so often he tightens his grip around me, moving his hand to my head, then back down to my shoulder, then rubbing my back.

"It's okay Todd," he says quietly. "It wasn't your fault."

................

"Those are quite the bandages, Mr. Anderson, have a little accident, did we?" Mr. Nolan is standing at the head of the table, everyone stopping their studying and turning there heads towards me.

"Uh, well, I-"

"Yes, sir, he had a bit of a bike accident." Neil steps in. "We figured it was nothing to bother the nurse about and so I did my best to help him, sir. He's just still a little shaken up, right Todd?"

"Yeah, right, just a little, uh, frazzled." I reply shyly. I hate it when they catch you off guard like that. If it were up to me, I'd never have to speak up to an adult ever again.

"Very well then." Mr. Nolan continues off to the next table.

"Bike accident?" Knox questioned. "How the hell did you manage that?"

"Books, you know, just kind of tipped, off balance," I make motions with my hands, and he seems to be buying it, but I look up and see Charlie, staring very deeply into my eyes, and I can tell he knows I'm not telling the truth.