forget-me-not, neil

A friend like Neil

After an awkward morning, I am now on the bus headed to the shop to find myself a suit for this stupid dinner, accompanied by Neil, like he promised. Once we arrive, I'm so desperate just to get myself away from Neil, that I agree to the first thing he suggests and take off to the fitting room. Once dressed, I stare at myself in the mirror.

"I look stupid Neil."

"No you don't, Todd."

"You don't even know what I look like, which is stupid, by the way"

"You don't, Todd, you may feel stupid but you do not look stupid."

"I really cannot decide if that was supposed to be encouraging or not."

"Okay that's it, I'm coming in!"

"Neil!" I hiss, but it's no use because he's already welcomed himself into the already too tight fitting rooms. He closes the door behind him and his jaw drops.

"Todd! Oh my goodness you look amazing!"

"Oh stop it Neil, now you're just making fun."

"No! Sincerely Toddy, just look at yourself!" He grabs me by the shoulders, spinning me around to face the mirror, keeping a hold of my shoulders and peering over to look along with me. "Look how handsome you look, right out of a damn catalog!"

"Neil, I just don't think it's really all that me, you know?"

"Hmmmm, you know you're right, take this one off and I'll be right back." He shot out of the dressing room and must have sensed that I hadn't moved a muscle, as he shot right back in. "I mean it Todd, get undressed!" and off he goes.

I pull the coat off, and start to unbutton the shirt as Neil pops back in. I stop unbuttoning.

"Pants too pal, a suit is kind of a two piece thing." He says with a wink, and I roll my eyes in return before he steps out again. Usually, I'm not so embarrassed in this sort of situation, but there's something about the fact that Neil and I are alone, in some place that's not school, just makes me feel uneasy. I have my trousers off of one ankle when the door reopens and there's Neil, standing with a suit draped over his arms. My eyes widen and I immediately feel insecure, what with being half naked in front of him and all.

"Todd, it's fine, it's only me." That smile. He pushes himself in and closes the door behind him. "I think this would go really well with your hair. Common." He thrusts the hangers towards me. I keep my eyes down while I kick off the remaining leg of the suit I first had on. I steal a couple of glances up at Neil, who by the way has not left the changing room, and every time I look up, his eyes snap towards mine, a smile shier than his usual quick to appear on his face. I pull the suit pieces off of the hangers and drape them over the stool.

"Well at least close your eyes."

"Christ Todd, don't be ridiculous. It's not like we don't live in the same room."

"Just let it be a surprise, okay?"

"Alright alright Anderson, don't have a cow." I chuckle, but wait until his eyes are firmly closed to continue dressing.

"And no looking until I say!" He waves his hand, dismissing my demand. But he keeps his eyes closed nonetheless. I want it to be a surprise as much as I just can't stand the thought of him looking at me right now. The whole time I'm getting dressed I don't take my eyes off of Neil.

"No peeking Mister."

"I'm not! I swear!" he laughs. I laugh too as I button up the last bit of the suit. I finally turn away from Neil to look in the mirror, and immediately feel stupid. I look horrible, boxy. My shape is abstract and I can barely even stand to look at myself. I become flushed, embarrassed. Hating myself for not kicking Neil out. I can't let him see me like this, but there's no way to take it all off without him hearing me. I stand there, a grimacing face looking back at me. "I don't know Neil, I think I'll just-"

"Wow Todd," Neil whispers, coming up behind me, standing just behind my right shoulder. "You look, wow." I consider his words, and take another look at myself. I guess it isn't so bad. And you know what, Neil was right. It really does go with my hair. He grabs my shoulder and spins me towards him, looking me up and down. I blush, wishing for a clerk, a closing announcement, a fire, anything to make him stop looking at me. But when I lift my head back up, our eyes meet, and now neither of us can pull away. He reaches out to fix my collar, and lets his hands linger on the fabric. I can feel his touch through the thick layer of expensive wool. "You really do look amazing, Todd."

"And I thought I told you not to look until I say." I reply, a smile creeping across my face. He can't help but laugh, his head dropping down and hitting my chest as he lets out his laughter. I start laughing too, and he lifts his head back up, and we're closer to each other than we were before. I stare at his lips, then up at his eyes, which are staring at my lips, then as I drop my eyes back down to his lips I feel his eyes lift up to mine. But before our eyes can meet, a low voice startles us from the other side of the door.

"Do you gentlemen need any assistance in there?" We push away from each other, and I clear my throat.

"Uh, no, thanks, I just had a problem with my, um,"

"Buttons." Neil finishes. "But we figured it out, right Todd."

"Right." We hear the clerk walk away, and Neil follows. I undress myself, and put my regular clothes back on. After we check out, we decide to walk back to the school instead of take the bus. We spend the whole walk talking, about school, about poetry, about acting, about the dinner party, all while our hands will periodically brush against each other, or our shoulders will bump when we have to pass someone on the sidewalk. At one point someone flies by us on a bicycle, and Neil takes my arm to pull me back, away from the lane of the bike, and right into his side. By the time we reach back to the school, we're bickering and laughing and giving each other light shoves, Neil being careful not to make me drop my new suit. The sun is casting a long beautiful glow across the lake, and I think to myself, how lucky am I to have a friend like Neil.