forget-me-not, neil

Don't worry, I'm here

I wake up shouting, and it's like I'm awake, but still not totally there. I can hear the quick thumps of feet as Neil jumps from his bed and runs to my side, I can feel him holding on to my shoulder, trying to contain my arms as they wildly flail out of control around me, trying to grasp at anything I can, but I can't see Neil, and I can't stop screaming. Along with Neil, I can feel this soul sucking cloud, spilling all around me. It feels cold and scary and strong.

"Todd, wake up!"

"What's going on, is he okay?"

"Todd, you've got to wake up! Please!"

But I can't. My eyes are squeezed shut and I can't seem to open them, no matter how much I try. I'm yelling and crying and choking on my own spit, and suddenly I feel a quick strong hand strike my cheek and my eyes snap open. My body shoots upwards, and I'm nearly hyperventilating, my eyes darting crazily around the room trying to make sense of anything. A light has been flicked on, and I see Charlie and Cameron standing at the end of my bed, and Neil sitting next to me, one hand on my leg, one straddling my shoulder.

"Todd! Are you alright?" Charlie asks, looking white as a ghost.

"What happened?" I ask, out of breath and slouching into the feel of Neil supporting me.

"I think you had a nightmare," Neil says, deep concern in his voice. "You just started yelling, and thrashing, and I don't think you could breathe." I reach up and touch my throat, and follow my touch through to the stinging skin on my face. That was one hell of a slap. "Oh yeah, sorry about that, I just had no other way to wake you up."

"It's okay, I think I'm alright." Although I know I most certainly am not.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Charlie asks.

Cameron steps closer. "'Cause we can go get someone if n-"

"No!" I shout, catching them off guard. "Sorry, I'm sorry, but no it's alright, I'm fine, you two go back to bed."

"If you're sure," Cameron replies with zero confidence in his voice. "Sleep tight?"

"Uh, yeah. Thanks." Cameron and Charlie slowly close the door so as to not make any more ruckus for the night.

I realize that Neil is still holding on to me, with deep worry in his eyes. "What was all that about, Todd? You scared me half to death!"

"Sorry Neil, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. You can just go back to bed though, it's okay."

"Todd you weren't breathing. That's not a usual nightmare. And you're shaking, Todd." I gain my focus back, and I am shaking. I look up into Neil's worried eyes.

"It was scary, Neil." I confess to him. "I don't know what the hell it was, but it was terrifying, and heavy, and everywhere." I can start to feel myself getting worked back up, but Neil just tightens his grip on my shoulder as if to say Don't worry, I'm here.

"Scooch." He says, as he makes his way up to the top of the bed. He plops down right beside me, and we just sit. I'm still heavy breathing like I've just run a marathon, but still he just sits. Like he knows just being here with me will calm me down. Which it does.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, when I eventually calmed down, but I wake up in the morning to the sun streaming through our window. A gleam so bright, in such contrast to the dark fog that invaded my head last night. I start to roll, but I bump into a large lump on my bed. Tilting my head up, I see Neil, sitting in the exact same position as he was last night. His arms limp beside him, his head rolled back onto the metal tubing of my head board. I smush my head back into my pillow, memories of last night flooding back. Me, Neil, our bodies pressed together as we danced. That weird, sizzling spark between us, me running off to the bathroom. Maybe Neil really did forget about what had happened. I hope he did. I deserve those nightmares. Bad karma for how I'd felt holding onto Neil. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't help it. Stupid, stupid Todd. I hear Neil start to stir, and I snap my eyes shut pretending to be asleep. Hopefully he'll buy it, and if he has any sense at all, he'll go back to his own bed, and everything can go back to normal.