forget-me-not, neil

God Made No Rules About Love

TW: Violence, abuse, homophobia

"This is about that Anderson boy, isn't it."

Neil had been at a rehearsal for his play, behind his father's back of course. He'd told him he wouldn't go, but Neil just didn't think it was fair the way he wouldn't even give him a chance to prove himself. Todd urged him not to go, scared of what his father might do if he found out. But he didn't listen, God he wished he'd listened.

"I told you to stay away from him, I ordered you to stay away from that Anderson boy." The way he said Todd's name, spat it at him, was never the way Todd's name deserved to be said. Neil propelled from the chesterfield and rushed towards him.

"Father no,"

"I told you not to hang around a queer like him."

"DON'T YOU CALL HIM THAT WORD!" Slap! Mr. Perry's hand struck Neil's cheek before he knew what he was doing. Neil's body whipped around, his face stinging hard as he caught himself on his father's desk.

"You don't raise your voice at me, do you hear me young man?" Mr. Perry grabbed his son by the shoulder, flipping him around, so he could get hold of the collar of his shirt. He dragged him over to the wall where he slammed him hard into the bookcase, his one hand remaining its tight grip on his sweater, the other pointing a sharp finger into his face. "I told you to stay away from that Mr. Keating and you went ahead and disobeyed me. I ordered you to stay away from that Anderson boy and what did you do, disobeyed me again!" He dragged Neil to the side, and let go of his shirt, Neil's body dropping harshly on the ground. "What is so damn special about this boy."

"His name is Todd." Neil replied from the floor, as he scooted himself backwards away from his father as fast as he could.

"WHAT IS SO DAMN SPECIAL-"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HIM" Neil roared. The colour drained from his father's face. Neil managed to pull himself up onto the ottoman, holding his side from where he hit the hardwood floor. "I love him, father, is that what you want to hear? You want to hear how I love that boy, more than I love anyone else? How I love that boy, and hold that boy, and kiss that boy-" Neil was cut off by his father once again pulling him up by the collar. He pushed him towards the door, Neil's feet barely able to keep up. Mr. Perry shoved him hard into the door frame, this time with his forearm against Neil's chest. His other hand began to raise up.

"Hit me again, dad, do it." Mr. Perry's other hand stopped moving, and for a moment, the anger almost seemed to subside in his face. It flickered with something that could have almost been shock, remorse. But only for a moment. "That's what you want to do, isn't it? Hit me? Because you can hit me all you want, but it will never change what I feel for that boy. You can beat me, shout at me, whatever the hell you need to do, dad. But I'll still love him. I'll still love him." Mr. Perry raised his hand again, but only to hold his stony finger in Neil's face, almost touching the bridge of his nose.

"I will not have a queer as a son of mine." It wasn't until now that Neil could feel the fat tears that had been rolling down his cheeks. Usually he'd know better than to cry in front of his father, that was just something you didn't do. But in this moment, he only knew one thing, and it was that even though he would kill his father with his bare hands if he could, the hatred he felt for that man could never come close to the love he felt for Todd.

"We will return to Welton tomorrow, and you will pack your things, and you will not be returning, do you understand me?" Neil didn't reply, he couldn't. He wouldn't dare open in mouth in fear of what radical words might come out of it. Mr. Perry didn't feel like waiting any longer for an answer though, as he opened the door with his free hand and shoved Neil out of his office with the one that had been on his chest. Neil stuck his hands out to catch himself against the wall. He regained his balance, but stayed there for a moment

Keeping on hand on the wall, he walked himself down the hallway to the kitchen, where he met his mother sitting at the kitchen table. Neil lowered his head, sure that his mother had heard everything he'd told his father, and sure that she would hate him for it.

But to his surprise, she hoisted herself up from her chair and walked over to him, bringing her hand up to brush the tears from his face, avoiding his busted cheek bone as best she could.

"My poor boy," she whispered, more to herself than to Neil. She brought her hand down to his chin, and lifted his head, bringing his eyes to hers.

"I had love once, long before your father. And I'd give anything to have it back. I'd do anything to feel it again."

"Mother, I-"

"A soulmate is a soulmate, Neil." She placed her hand on his chest, feeling the soft thump of his heart under her fingers. "God made no rules about love. Just demanded that it be felt." She looked up into Neil's eyes, bringing her hand up to his damp, flushed cheek. "And if it's with him, you be sure that you feel it, Neil. You be sure that you feel it." She kissed him gently on the cheek, and with that she was out of the room, leaving Neil by himself in the kitchen.