forget-me-not, neil

Unreleased - Tired of Growing Without You

POV: Todd, age 34 -17 years after Neil's death

I never saw the car coming around the corner, I couldn't have. They were going too fast, in the wrong lane, at the wrong time. The last thing I saw was the trunk of the tree, as my car went barreling towards it.

My world goes black, but quickly changes to a misty gray. I'm standing, but I can't see, nor feel my feet. Maybe I'm not standing? I blink a couple of times, but the scene doesn't get clearer. A sound startles me, coming from behind me. 

Somehow I turn around, without actually touching the ground, and see none other than Neil, my Neil, standing before me. His thick brown hair, his beautiful doe eyes, his rosy cheeks. It's him, as if not a day has passed. The only difference is now there's a deep red stain blotched on his sweater, over his heart. His gold, pure, too young heart.

"Neil?"

"Todd,"

I run to him, collapsing into his body, wrapping my arms around him. His arms do the same, and the familiar warmth on my spine takes me back to our room, to our youth, to us.

"I've missed you," I say into his hair, "I've missed you so much, every single day."

"I know," he replies, "I feel it." He pulls back and looks me up and down, chuckling. "God, you look so much older."

It occurs to me that he's right, I do look older. Whereas he is stuck in his everlasting youth. I'll never know what 34 looks like on him, let alone 18. 

"You've grown." He says warmly with a smile, a proud look on his face.

"I'm tired of growing without you."

"You've done your best growing without me."

"Can't I just stay here? With you?" I plead.

"I wish I could say yes," he sighs, squeezing my hands. "You have no idea how much I've missed your touch."

"Neil,"

"But you're not ready my love,"

"How do you know?"

"Because I wasn't." He reaches forward and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, just like he alwasy did, and a tear escapes my eye, rolling down my cheek. He brushes it away. "And I want nothing more than for you to live. I want you to grow old for me Todd. Grow old for us."

"But Neil,"

"Wake up, Anderson."

"What?"

"I said wake up!" He reaches out and slaps my cheek.

My eyes dart open, a bright light shining above me.

"Stay with us Todd, stay with us." It's Neil's voice talking to me, but when I roll my head around, his face doesn't belong to any of the people around me.

"Neil!" I call out, but my voice is muffled, as I discover an oxygen mask on my face, immediately ripping it off. "Neil, please, NEIL!" My body starts to thrash around as my words start to slur, just mere mumbles as a stiff pair of hands rests on my shoulders. I feel a sharp sting in my shoulder, and my eyes start to get cloudy.

"You're okay, Todd. Hang in there, you're okay."

My body begins to feel heavy, making it harder to sit up, call out for my love. I feel a hand stroke my forehead, and then fingers curl around my ear, before my world goes completely blank. And that's when I know I'm with him. That's when I know, I'll be okay.