forget-me-not, neil

I'll keep you safe

I always liked thunderstorms. I found them peaceful in a way. I could focus on the thunder, and just for a little while that could be the only thing on my mind. Neil on the other hand hated thunderstorms. Although he wouldn't admit it to anyone else, he found them scary, and loud, and intrusive, and overwhelming. As I would lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, anticipating the next crack of thunder, Neil would be curled up in his blankets, dreading the next loud boom. I always found it so odd that a guy who seemed so confident, that could stand up to anyone, could be so afraid of the sky.

After about ten minutes of the storm, I get up out of bed and move to the heater, where I sit parallel to the window with my legs outstretched. But more importantly, I'm now closer to Neil. After a few moments, Neil finally speaks.

"Why's it gotta be so loud, Todd. I hate how loud it is."

"I know Neil, I know."

He tosses and turns in his sheets. "When will it be over?"

"I don't know man. But it's not too bad."

"They make me feel like a little kid." he confesses as he pulls his pillow out from under his head and pushes it into his face. It's strange seeing Neil this way, so vulnerable, so uneasy, so, like he put it, childlike. And it's odd, but something about his nervousness makes me feel so calm. "It's such a stupid fear."

"No it's not Neil," I say, then add "But don't worry, I'll keep you safe." I immediately feel stupid, for suggesting something so ridiculous as that. But to my surprise,

"Really?" he rolls his head out from under the pillow to look at me.

Although it's dark, I feel myself blush, and turn my face back to the window. "Of course. Always." We stay like that for a few minutes, me in the window, Neil curled up in his bed. After a while, he says,

"Todd, would you lay with me?" I almost don't believe my ears, and I think for a moment that I'm dreaming.

"What Neil?" I can tell that he's embarrassed by what he asked.

"Only if you don't mind, I just wondered if you could lay beside me? Maybe it would help me fall asleep. Only if you don't mind..."

"Yeah Neil, no of course, I don't mind." I swing my legs from the radiator and step towards his bed. I kneel on the edge to lower myself down onto the covers, but Neil has pulled back the blankets for me to climb inside with him. He tugs at the quilt, as it's pinned under my knee, and he scooches over a little, still facing the wall, to make an opening for me. I slide in carefully, as if the mattress is made from a thin layer of glass, and any sudden movements would make it crack. As I get comfortable and pull the blankets over me, Neil pushes out slowly from the wall, and his back presses against mine. A wave of warmth washes over my body, and I sink deeper into the bed, no longer afraid of it's fragility.

As we lay there, back to back, I think about the relationship I have with Neil. I haven't known him very long, but the connection I have with him is deeper than anything I've ever known. My whole life, I've struggled so much to fit in. Sure, I had friends, but it always felt like we were all a bunch of puzzle pieces in a box, but I was just a piece from another puzzle that had been tossed in there by mistake. We were all the same, but I was still different. We were all the same, yet I just didn't belong. But with Neil, it feels like there's just two pieces in our puzzle, just two pieces in the box. It was a feeling I was foreign to, belonging. Nothing like I had ever felt before.

We fall asleep together, inhaling the other's exhale. At some point, Neil must have become restless, or had a nightmare, because I wake up to his arms around my waist, my arms around his shoulders, and his face buried into my chest. The room is still dark, so it must be quite early in the morning. I shift and tighten my arms around him, and his sleeping body responds with the same gesture. I know in the morning, my brain will probably realize what's wrong with this picture. But right now, all I can do is fall back asleep.

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Sorry for not updating in forever! But if you folks are enjoying it I'll try and add to it more often! Thank you for all the reads!! :)