Miles apart (Man × Man) ✔

15) w a n t e d

"I do care about you, I care about you a lot, and.. You’re the only reason I came here today. My mom is in the hospital." Ash stared at Miles' back when he froze in the middle of walking away. When he turned around, slowly, a dozen of emotions were teeming in his eyes.

"I.. uh.." Miles stammered. Ash wasn't sure what kind of a reaction he had expected, but he certainly didn't think it was going to drain the color from Miles' face and make him sink to sit on the pavement.  Miles lowered his head and raked both of his hands through his hair, before cursing: "Shit, I'm an idiot. Sorry, sorry, sorry. When will I realize not everything is about me?"

"You're not an idiot." Ash sat on the pavement next to Miles and brushed his hair to flatten its current disheveled state. "I didn't mean to take it out on you, really. But she worries me, and I don't know what to do."

"We always only talk about me. I should have asked about your parents, I'm sorry." Miles sighed.

Ash could tell he was gastigating himself inside his head, taking all the blame when only half of it belonged to him. So, he told him: "That's because I haven't mentioned any of it to you. Stop blaming yourself, this isn't on you."

"How is she?" Miles asked, lifting his gaze and studying Ash's eyes intently. He drew his lower lip between his teeth, and waited while Ash grew silent trying to find the right words.

Ash had been excited about the gathering, especially after he had earned the much needed pocket money by helping his neighbor, an older woman, to update her browser. He had spent hours planning what to say to Miles when he was finally going to see him.

Until he got a call from his dad.

Eliana had been having trouble swallowing, so Avi took her to see a doctor. They were going to take another bunch of expensive tests, and Avi would likely end up paying himself sore without getting any more answers for what was wrong with his wife.

"She's sick, but the doctors don't know what it is." Ash hung his head.

"I'm sorry." Miles leaned on Ash's side. "Are you two close?"

"Yeah." Ash whispered, lifting his head back up. "But I'm sure she'll be okay."

"Yes, she will." Miles smiled at him reassuringly and the sight made Ash's heart swell with affection.

They sat like that for a long while, looking up at the night sky in thoughtful silence. It was already late and soon it would start to dawn. Ash was shot, but he knew he needed to talk then or he would never get it done. He wouldn't get many more chances, like Miles' expression had shown him earlier that day.

Ash hadn't meant to hurt Miles, but he hadn't been able to hide his true feelings, which had nothing to do with Miles or his joke, from his face. Seeing how Miles withdrew in his shell because of something hurtful Ash hadn't meant for him, made Ash want to smack himself in the face. Miles was on his toes around him and Ash didn't want him to doubt himself any more than he already did.

He wanted the jokes, the nervous rambles. He wanted the laughter, all the moments when Miles acted like there was not a worry in the world. He wanted the tears, the pain, the anxiety, if that was how Miles was really feeling. He wanted it all, the good and the bad, so no, the glare wasn't intended for Miles.

"We really need to talk, but.." Ash gestured to their surroundings vaguely, hoping Miles would get what he was trying to suggest.

"You can always come to my fancy mansion?" Miles cocked up an eyebrow and grinned, his eyes glinting with challenge. "I've learned a few tricks about hospitality from this one great-grandmother."

~~~

Miles brought Ash a can of beer and an energy drink for himself. They sat down on the couch, which was wide enough for Miles to sit on one end and stretch out his legs, while Ash took the other end.

"I don't know what you have in mind for us, but I'm not looking for just a hookup." Ash had no idea what to say or where to start, so he figured it was best to go straight to the point. Miles' lips parted in surprise, and he gaped at Ash like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

When Miles showed no intention to take a lead of the conversation, Ash realized he had no other option than to bite the bullet and say what he needed to say: "I like you. And I have no idea if the feeling is mutual or if we should just end this before I get my heart broken."

"How can you not already know how I feel about you?" Miles frowned.

"Half of the time I feel like you're into me and the rest of it like you can't even bear to look at me." Ash tried to explain, fiddling with the pull tab of his beer can.

"I'm difficult to read?" Miles let out a brief, incredulous laugh. "That's a lot from the king of mixed signals."

Ash had to admit Miles had a point: people told him all the time that he was impossible to interpret. The fact he didn't enjoy talking combined with a resting bitch face and an occasional habit of giving an attitude, gave away a wrong message. He didn't mind most of the people thinking he was rude, but he didn't want his tough exterior pushing away the ones he liked having around.

"The thing is.." Miles cleared his throat and shoved his hair back away from his face. Then he started rambling, talking faster the further he got: "Well, basically you're a nine and I'm a six, or like five and a half, so it's only natural for me to feel a tad sceptical when you say you want to keep seeing me. I'm not saying I'm ugly or some dullard or anything like that, but I'm like this sort of a gray, dull thing easy to forget. There's nothing wrong with me, but there's nothing right either, you know. And sometimes you make me feel like I've done something right, but then.. I don't know. I'm not making much sense, am I?"

"Um, could you repeat that? Slower this time." Ash suggested.

"Merde." He muttered to himself and shook his head slightly, replaying his words inside his head. Then he sighed and lifted his head again, meeting Ash's gaze. "I'm having a hard time trusting people's intentions. I'm scared that I'm reading too much into us, when in reality there might not even be us."

"So does that mean..?" Ash's heart was thudding so fast it made his ears hum.

"Yes, I like you too." Miles articulated the words carefully, like he was tired of repeating a fact that should have been a no-brainer.

After hearing those words, Ash set his beer on the coffee table and craned to take Miles' energy drink to put it out of his way as well. Then he caged Miles underneath him, until he was half-laying back against the armrest. Miles' eyes were wide, when he looked up at Ash, intently waiting for his next move.

"Us. I like the sound of that." Ash murmured, when he was leaning so close to Miles that their breaths mixed and the tips of their noses touched. They kissed. Once, twice, thrice, and all the while Miles' lips were curved into a smile. Afterwards Ash surprised Miles by saying: "Scoot over."

"I thought you said you aren't all sweet and cuddly." Miles pointed out.

"Oh, shut up." Ash grumbled and shifted on the couch so that he could spoon Miles, who chuckled and nestled closer.

When Ash buried his face against the nape of Miles' neck, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes, his mind was emptied from the thoughts that usually kept him awake at nights. For once he wasn't worrying about his mom or if the money would suffice. His mind wasn't racing a mile a minute and he felt like nothing else mattered but that moment, getting to hold Miles in his arms.