Miles apart (Man × Man) ✔

40) c o n t a c t e d

The funeral service ended with them carrying Eliana's casket to the hearse. It had been unlike any funeral Miles had been to, as most of them were about sending rich senior citizens to the gates of Heaven in a fancy casket in an even fancier ceremony. Eliana left like she had lived: unprecedented and loved by everyone.

The reception was much like the service, but with less formality. During the service the scent of incense and flowers filled the house, and in the reception the house was filled with stories about Eliana and faint chatter about other things. 

Ash was quiet and bleak, like he had been all day, so Miles and the others sat him down in the living room and kept a close eye on him. They made sure he ate something, but they didn't coax him into talking or keeping company to the visitors. 

Mostly, Miles sat with him. He didn't feel like talking either, he just wanted to make sure Ash was okay. Or as okay as he could be all things considered. 

Miles still couldn't quite imagine how horrible it felt to lose a parent, but his guess was that it hurt about as much as someone ripping your heart out of your chest. His own pain was nothing compared to that, so he pushed it back. It could wait another day, for right then he didn't have time to mourn.

"Your phone is ringing." Benjamin informed Miles while bringing the phone to him. "It's your mom."

"What?" Miles breathed and took a look at the screen, which indeed told him the caller was his mom. He stumbled up and gestured at Benjamin to take care of Ash. "Can you..?"

"Yeah, sure. Talk to her." Benjamin promised with a smile.

Miles tossed a jacket over his shoulders and brought the phone to his ear while fumbling with the door. His hands were shaking and he could feel his heart thudding inside his chest, terrified because his mom never called on a time like that.

It had to be either Miles' birthday, Christmas or bad news. As it was neither Miles' birthday nor Christmas, there wasn't much to choose from. If Miles knew one thing, it was that he couldn't take any more bad news.

"Bonjour, maman." Miles said, changing to his native language so that his mom could understand him better.

"Bonjour, mon cher enfant. How are you?" They alternated between French and English, because Miles' mom knew French better and Miles was more used to English. 

[Also, because I don't know any more French, the rest of the conversation will be written in English.]

"I'm not doing well." Miles surprised himself by speaking so openly about his feelings. He raked a hand through his hair and sat on the porch steps. "I'm at my boyfriend's mom's funeral."

"Oh, you are?" Miles' mom asked. He wasn't sure if she was more surprised about hearing about him dating or about the funeral. "I'm sorry to hear that, dear."

"Yeah.." Miles couldn't quite keep the tears off his voice and the word came out strained. 

He let his gaze sweep across the empty front yard. It was a beautiful day and the yard basked in sunshine, casting shadows on the frosty ground. Their movement made Miles think about dancing, and dancing made him think about Eliana.

You should have seen me dancing. 

Miles could see Eliana in his mind's eye, her cheeks rosy with life and her black hair flowing all the way to her waist in silky locks. Her legs freed from the wheelchair and her steps light, graceful. Her arms strong, moving without restraint. The smile on her face and the pure joy in her eyes when she leaped around in the yard, spinning in elegant circles. 

"Maman.." Miles sobbed, blinking his eyes to get rid of the blurriness. He wanted to see Eliana dancing, but the tears got in his way.

The flowy material of her white dress, the bare feet against the frosty ground. Sunlight on her skin, making her shine brighter than any of the stars ever could. Brighter than a thousand suns. She truly was the best of the best.

"She can't be gone." Miles cried, letting out all the hurt he had been trying to keep in, when he felt like it wasn't his pain to feel. When he felt like he didn't have the right to fall apart under its weight. "I miss her.. and I miss you." 

Miles covered his eyes with his hand, sobbing harshly. He hadn't let his mom see, or hear, his pain like that, not since his dad told him boys didn't cry. When he lifted his gaze to look at the yard again, it was empty. Eliana's dance was over.

Every cell in Miles' body screamed: I don't know what to do. Help me, hear me out. I can't do this. I want to set down this cape of a survivor, to let you see this pain I'm in.

He did his best to translate those thoughts into words, and for once, his mom listened to him. She let him cry and pour out his heart, and she kept telling him it was okay to fall apart. That he would get through it, because he was strong and because that's what he always did.

Eventually the tears turned to sniffles and teary chuckles, when his mom did her best to cheer him up. She promised to call more often, that they would make it a habit again. She told him how much she wanted to come over to see him, that she has been saving for the trip. 

They talked so long Benjamin had to come to check if everything was okay. Only after the first guests started to leave, Miles saw it best to end the call.

"So, was there a reason for you to call me?" He still remembered to ask.

Miles' mom didn't say anything for a long while. But then, eventually, she started talking: "I know it isn't an ideal timing, but it's better you hear it from me. Have you read the news today?"

~~~

It's been awfully sad for so many chapters now, but believe me or not, the sad part is almost over. Have I made you cry? If I have, I hope not too much.