Miles apart (Man × Man) ✔

27) s u r r o u n d e d

"I want to tell you something." Ash frowned with the effort of trying to get the words out of his mouth. Miles halted on the seat next to him, setting down the energy drink he had been drinking from. He nodded at Ash, encouraging him to continue. "My mom, she's, uh.. Dying."

Miles had been right telling Ash talking would help. When he was no longer bottling it all up, he could sleep a tiny bit better and he wasn't feeling the constant restlessness in his body. Still, he was stumbling with his efforts to open up and often when he saw an opportunity to talk, the words refused to leave his tongue.

"What?" Eli's eyes widened and he stared at Ash like he was hoping it had only been a terrible attempt of a joke. Next to him Benjamin leaned closer, waiting wordlessly for Ash to continue. His dark eyes filled with empathy and something more obscure like knowledge or recognition.

The countless evenings hanging out in Perfect Day had brought Ash, Miles, Eli and Benjamin closer. Whereas their other friends only hung out in the café occasionally, the four of them had made it a habit. They had inevitably gotten to know Prisca and her children better as well, but she often gave Eli and his friends room and told Eli to lock the doors after they left.

"She has ALS. I don't know if you've heard of it, but.." Ash tried to explain to them about the slow decay of motor neurons, and how that led to a loss of the ability to control and initiate voluntary movements. Just to think about what his mom was going through and what was waiting for her made Ash's chest tighten.

He hated how unfair and cruel the world could be. He hated the idea of having to lose his mother ahead of time and how that was going to crush his dad as well as Miles.

It was going to be hard for Javier Muños, Shirley and Brandon too, for they had spent countless evenings at the Ashvaghoshas when Ash still lived with his parents. And yet, there he was, telling about his mom to his other friends before gathering his courage to let them know.

"That's.. God, that's terrible. I'm so sorry." Eli surprised Ash by standing up and circling the table to squeeze him into an embrace. Ash swallowed and hugged Eli back, soaking the comfort of the touch.

Benjamin had grown silent, and he sat there watching how Eli parted from the hug and got back to his seat. Ash couldn't tell what he was thinking, but whatever it was, it made him sad. Eli noticed that as well and entwined their fingers, squeezing briefly.

"I can't say I know how it feels like to lose a parent, but I know the pain of living in the absence of them." Benjamin said eventually, lifting his gaze to meet Ash's questioning eyes. "My parents died when I was a baby and all I know about them I have heard from others or seen from pictures. But I grew up with my grandparents so I don't feel like I've been missing out on anything."

Benjamin shook his head and rubbed the side of his neck. He let out an awkward chuckle, before continuing: "Sorry, I didn't mean to steal the spotlight.. What I'm trying to say is that losing a parent is something that you carry with you for the rest of your life. I'm really sorry for your mom. How long does she have?"

"I don't know. Some months, I think." Ash sighed, rubbing his temples and eyes with his thumb and forefinger. He realized he actually didn't mind hearing more about Benjamin's parents, wanting to distract himself from his mom. "What happened to your parents?"

"They died in a car accident. It's just the typical story with a storm and a drunk driver." Benjamin gave a dismissive wave of his hand, as if he wanted to tell them that he was done talking about that.

"My mom is alive, but I'm dead to her." Eli sighed, saving his boyfriend from the spotlight. Ash had already heard the story about Eli having to leave his religious family behind, but it never ceased to jar him. How could a parent choose religion over their child?

"And my mom calls me like once a year." Miles shrugged. He grinned when a thought came to him: "I guess we all have our fair share of absent mothers." His cheerful moment didn't last long, though, and he lowered his head, while sighing: "Sorry, Eliana isn't like that. She isn't absent, she's just.. Yeah, sorry, that was stupid."

"I get what you mean." Ash nudged his shoulder, feeling a smile tucking up the corners of his mouth when Miles lifted his head and turned to look at him with flushed cheeks, relief evident from his features. Miles was just doing what he always did, trying to brighten up the atmosphere, and Ash appreciated his effort.

They continued talking about their parents for a while, but eventually the topics turned lighter and Ash got to laugh at the jokes Miles and Eli spurred each other on. Laughing felt, somehow, even better than opening up did. It helped to know there was still so much good left in their lives and that not everything had to be dark and dour. He felt guilty for having fun, but he knew it was exactly what his mom would have wanted for him.

~~~

Talking with Eli and Benjamin made Ash realize that even if he lost his mom, he still had his dad. Avi, despite reminding Ash a little too much about himself, was the best dad he could possibly have. He might not talk much, but he was always ready to listen if his loved ones had something weighing on their shoulders.

Miles, who could read Ash's expressive behavior like an open book, didn't waste a second when he realized Ash was looking for an opportunity to talk to his dad alone. He pulled on his jacket and wrapped a thick scarf around his neck before helping a woollen blanket around Eliana. Then he rolled her to the hallway and soon Ash could see them making their way across the unkept yard.

"Eliana speaks so fondly of him." Avi remarked, his eyes also on the duo in the yard. Ash could see strands of gray amongst his black hair and new lines were forming around his lips and between his eyebrows. He looked years older than he had looked just some months ago.

"Miles adores her as well." Ash told Avi, tearing his eyes away from Eliana and Miles, who had halted by the gates to laugh at something. The sight made his heart ache, as he would have given anything to protect Miles from the grief of losing Eliana. Then he locked his eyes with Avi and asked: "How are you holding up, baba?"

"You know." Avi shrugged, seeming like he wasn't going to elaborate any further than that. Then he sighed and sank to sit on a chair by the table. "It's.. hard. Really hard, there's no way around it. She's the love of my life and to see her going through something like that.. It hurts."

"Yeah." Ash took the chair next to him and placed his hand on top of Avi's. "I don't know what we're going to do when she's gone."

"We'll pull through somehow, Ashvaghosha, like we always do." Avi smiled, although his eyes remained sorrowful. "You have Miles and I have you, and we're going to be just fine."

Then Avi got up, not necessarily because he wanted to end the talk, but to get something to busy his hands with. Avi handled difficult emotions by staying in motion, and Ash could already see him fixing the house and uprooting the weeds in the yard to turn it into a plentiful garden. That though alone was enough to reassure him they were going to be alright.

"Nothing tastes better than a hot cup of tea and a little dessert after freezing out in the cold." Avi decided and began to prepare the tea. Ash helped him out by setting the table and taking the storebought pastries from their plastic container.

Ash felt a mixture of gratefulness and sorrow in his chest, to have such a loving family. To be surrounded with so much love, that at times it overpowered even the pain of loss.