Miles apart (Man × Man) ✔

34) d i s c l o s e d

Eli sat on the couch, staring at the TV. He wasn't following the show, but the images in his mind; some so vivid he could recall the tiniest details, some hazy and difficult to read.

Benjamin asked him what he would like to see, but it seemed like Eli no longer knew how to form words. His tongue felt heavy, strange in his mouth. It didn't matter what was on the TV anyway, the memories were enough to keep him occupied.

Benjamin brushed Eli's temple before sliding the fingertips down to the bruise on his aching chin, careful not to use too much pressure, his worried eyes never leaving him. Eli hated to think how much pain he caused Benjamin. He had promised he was better, that the worst was in the past, but there they were all over again.

Sometimes he felt like post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, was a ticking time bomb. The thought of losing control over his mind and body, when triggered badly enough, scared the living hell out of him.

Ever since overhearing Miles and Ash's conversation, when they thought he was still fast asleep, Eli had been waiting. He was waiting for Miles to come back so that he could tell him it wasn't Miles' fault. Any of it, no matter how eager he was to take the blame. Neither was it the alcohol's, even though that could make the symptoms worse. It was the memories. 

Always the memories.

Ash was first to come home from work and he sat on the couch next to Benjamin after having a glass of water in the kitchen. The dark circles under his eyes were more prominent than ever and his skin had a livid shade.

Eli knew it was because of his blunder last night. He glanced down at his bandaged arm, thinking how stupid the entire thing had been. He wanted to cry, to bury his face in his hands, but those basic functions seemed lost on him as well. So, he just sat, stared at the TV with blank eyes and waited.

It didn't take long before they could hear rustle from the door again. When Miles appeared in the living room, he hovered by the entrance and fiddled with his hands. He looked like he was a child getting ready to be scolded. 

"I.." Miles breathed, looking down. 

"Miles." Eli croaked. Benjamin's head snapped to his direction, surprised to hear his voice. Eli cleared his throat and tried again: "Come sit with us."

Miles took the armchair, facing them without meeting their gaze. He was holding his breath, steeling himself against the forthcoming chiding.

"You saved my life." Eli told him instead, and Miles' eyes darted to him. "I don't even want to think of what I could have done if it weren't for you. I owe you, big time."

"But I —" Miles started to object. 

"You didn't make me drink. I'm an adult and I make my own decisions. It wasn't even about the alcohol.. I'm sorry you had to witness that." Eli sighed, holding Miles' gaze to make sure he believed him.

"I'm sorry." Miles whispered anyway, averting his gaze to hide the tears that were threatening to fall to his cheeks. 

"For what? Saving my life? Yeah, that's so terrible of you." Eli's words brought a teary chuckle out of Miles. It seemed to relieve some of the tension.

"What was it then?" Benjamin asked.

"You remember Logan and Zack." Eli stated, not needing to make it a question when he already knew the answer. "When Zack disappeared, it didn't make any sense to me. They were so happy together, so why would Zack leave without a warning or saying goodbye?"

Over six years ago Zack Saengsawang, Logan's partner and the former owner of FAB, had disappeared without a trace. In Eli's memories Zack was always smiling, a warm summer breeze with so much love and generosity to give.