Unwillingly Together (BWWM)

13

I'm being avoided.

Everyones avoiding me. Walking past me. Not making eye contact. Making me feel like I don't even exist. As if the only time I matter is when it comes to wedding planning

The maids, the guards, my brothers, mama.

Xavier.

The wedding is coming up really soon. Only about a week's time. My dress is done but I haven't seen it yet. I'm not sure if I want to anyway. Since the start of this, my feelings have been all over the place.

I've called Xavier twice before my pride set in and told me not to anymore. I'm not sure why he won't talk to me or give me the time of day. I quite frankly thought everything was going good between the two us. We just went to the cafe the other day and I would say we had a good time.

I can speak for myself and actually say I enjoyed his company. Now, i'm not too sure what has happened.

Ever since I was a kid, nothing bothered me more than people acting like I wasn't there. I wanted my existence to be acknowledged. I wanted people to see me. Hear me. Know i'm here.

Sikoyo, na zo yoka mawa.

I stare at my ceiling that is covered with my art. I spent two hours cleaning my room up since it kind of was in shambles.

I've been spending extra time in my room considering I won't be able to do so anymore. Another reason as to why I would love to speak to Xavier is to find out if I can bring all my art with me. I know if i leave it here father would tarnish it. I would never see anything of these gorgeous canvases that I've spent hours on individually again.

Lofi music plays soothingly throughout my room as the lights are nice and dim. Everything is a vibe right now and I wish it could be like this forever. The night has settled in and I'm ready to sleep. To stop thinking and turn my brain off for a couple of hours.

The music plays so peacefully, caressing my ears and soothing my soul. I can feel myself mentally drifting farther and farther away from this reality and into the reality I've made up in my mind.

Every tense muscle in my body untenses. Everything is relaxed and for the first time in a while, I feel fully relaxed.

But of course all good things come to an end.

A loud bang followed by commission makes my eyes shoot open and I inhale sharply. I listen in and hear the voice of my younger brother shouting. One thing about Mikey, if he was angry we would know. The whole house would know. Dudes got some lungs on him.

I get up quickly and head towards the living room where everything is going on. A vase on the floor is broken and father sits on his chair looking as calm as ever whilst Mikey is having his fit. Dee stands against the wall staring at the floor and  silent as always whenever Mikey blows. Mama sits off next to father with her eyes just towards the floor. The same look she has on her face anytime she's around him.

Mama loves father but hates how he treats us and I would be the same way if someone I once loved with everything in me changed so drastically for the worse.

Mikey grabs at the sides of his head and takes a deep breath. Something he usually does when he's about to pop.

"Hey woah it's okay. Whatever happens can be worked out mikey, c'est bon." I soothe.

" This can't be fixed ami." he says solemnly and looks towards father with pure hatred.

" Does she even know?" he asks taking me by surprise and making me look towards father.

Know what?

So this whole thing is about me?

"Know what?" I ask.

Crickets.

Why is no one talking?

" Know what?" I shout causing mama and Dee to flinch. I hate yelling. I hardly ever even do it. Everything about it pisses me off but It gets the attention I seek but don't get when I speak calmly.

" Ami darling, we want to move quickly with this agreement so the wedding is tomorrow. Everything has been finalized." Father says as calmly as ever.

I feel as though someone punched me clean in the stomach.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

I look between all of them and begin backing away. Shock and anger run through me. Mikey reaches for me but I pull my hand back shaking my head. I can see mama's lip quivering but her eyes remain on the floor. It's becoming hard to breathe and focus on anything around me.

I can't be here.

I turn and head back up to my room and hear Dee and Mikey shout my name behind me. I shut my door and lock it whilst leaning my back against it.

My breathing is not under control right now. My chest feels tight like the air in my body is being sucked out and none is coming in and I inhale. My body hits the floor and I wrap my arms around myself for comfort.

" You're okay, you're okay" I mumble to myself. That's something I've had to tell myself very often. That I'm okay even though I'm not. It's almost second nature at this point.

My music still plays through my room and the vibe I had set here earlier still resides. I crawl and drag myself onto my bed and curdle up in a fetal position. The tears won't stop and my mind won't rest. My head hurts. My heart hurts. Everything hurts.

I'm just tired. So tired of everything. Of father and the way he is. Of my come up. Of my past, my present and most likely the future. Nothing is okay. Nothing has ever been okay and I don't know why this family sits and acts like it has.

If only I could just close my eyes, go to sleep and never wake up.

I never knew a parent could ruin their child's life like this. They are supposed to set the path for their kids to be led into a good and sensible future. Not this nonsense that father is putting me through.

I will never forgive him for this.

Hi my lovely readers! I hope your all doing okay.. I've been wanting to make my chapters longer because they really are short. My apologies for taking forever with updates. Thank you again for reading and being here. Vote, comment and share please🫶🏾.
- K.