His [Book #1]

Chapter 39

Tristan's POV
I don't know how to show affection. At one point I did. But that was before my father showed me that affection will get you killed. 

Which is why my father worked hard to make sure I knew exactly what being the boss entailed. He made it his mission to make sure I was prepared to be bigger than Marcellius Fierri and even him. 

Marcellius Fierri had no weaknesses. Until he fell in love and had a family. And then his family became his weakness.

My father was so sure that Marcellius' greatest weakness would eventually bring his reign to an end. But all it did was make him stronger. He had purpose- something to live and fight for.

Unlike Marcellius, my father didn't let his family weaken him. And now he's a cold-hearted bastard who believes his family is just as disposable as the men who worked for him when he was the Boss.

The only reason I was even born was because he needed an heir to the Lucci Mafia throne. I wasn't born out of love. I was born out of obligation. Neither my mother or father love each other. It was an arranged marriage. Hell, my sister wasn't even supposed to be here.

For those eight years I was being groomed to become a monster, my father thought he'd rid me of every possible weakness. I grew up thinking he'd succeeded. That I would never the things of this world weaken me.

But then I met Sienna.

The night we met wasn't supposed to end with me fucking her. It sure as hell wasn't supposed to end with her giving birth to my son nine months later. 

But it did. And now there's a crack in the wall my father worked so hard to beat and torture into me. 

I officially have a weakness. And it's a weakness I never thought would exist. And now it's up to me to decide whether or not I'll let them weaken or strengthen me.

I still can't believe it. Even when I kiss my son and hold Sienna at night, I am in shock. It doesn't feel real. It feels like a dream. 

And truth be told, I wish it were a dream. Because then I wouldn't tremor the way I do whenever I think about losing them. My heart wouldn't rattle with fear and I wouldn't freak out every time their safety is questioned.

I've become a disease polluted with a weakness so great that I've considered killing my own father to keep them safe. Even after all he's done to me and my family, a part of me still hesitates at the idea of ending his life.

It's blasphemous of me to think I'm a God when I'm far from it. But I can't help but toggle with the idea that I'd be taking away the life of a man who gave me life.

It's fucked up. It really is. But my family's life is in danger. My father refuses to grasp the idea that I can love my family and still maintain my strength.

I don't know how he found out about Mateo, but I know he's itching to train him up in the way that I had been. To make him a monster more than man. To make him a merciless killer with the mindset of a businessman and a heart made entirely of stone.

Walking out of the bathroom with a towel around my waist, I didn't realize how long I'd been in the shower until Sienna looked at me, her hazel green eyes filled with concern. She's always looking at me like that. Like I'm seconds away from snapping.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

Still dripping from my shower, I pad across the room to sit down on the bed. She shifts down to the edge of the bed, so she can look me in my eyes. "Are you sure?"

I know she's just trying to make sure I haven't gone too close to the cliff. And that if I do, she will be able to reel me back in time before I dive head first off the cliff.