heart monitors-dreamnotfound

twenty-seven

this chapter actually does have some quotes directly from the letters the person who inspired this story left me, so that's a shower thought

Dear Dream,

I know that you'll have questions. I know that you're probably sad and a little angry at me. But that's okay because I am too.

If I were you, I wouldn't waste my time reading a letter written by someone who didn't tell me that they were dying.

But I'm not you, am I? You're so much better, so much calmer and composed than me. I think that's why we got along so well. I liked having someone to depend on, someone that I can trust to be there in the morning when I fell asleep in your arms at night. You just liked that I was there.

I know you have questions, and although I don't have all the answers, I'll try. I'll try in the way you tried for me and never gave up.

Dream, all I was trying to do was to protect you. From what? I still don't know, and I don't think there will ever be a definite answer that will sum up all of my thoughts and emotions.

I knew that if I had told you, it would startle what we had. I didn't want to lose that, Dream. You have to understand that.

What we had was magical, something that only came from movies and romances. Losing that will be painful, but the moment before it's lost hurts so much more.

Trust me.

If I had told you, there will be moments where you'd hold me, knowing that it could be the last time. Saying goodbye would be so many times harder because we all know that it could really be a final goodbye. Lying awake at night, wondering if I was still there—that we were still there, only pains me.

You'd treat me differently. You'd see me as a patient—a dying boy that was barely a man, instead of the someone you loved so dearly.

I saw it in the way you crumpled to the ground beside me when you found me crying. You held me close to your body, and I could hear your heart beating as fast as a drum.

I had stopped crying when you burst into the room, but I knew lying was no longer an option. You knew I was crying, and you started crying too.

You pretended that you weren't, but you kept wiping away the tears that fell on your face, whispering sweet words of reassurance in my ear.

I could feel myself relaxing, but then I looked at you. Your breathing was stuttered, eyebrows furrowed. I could basically hear the thoughts running through your head.

Our gazes interlocked, and you smiled. You smiled at me, Dream. With such loving eyes, your perfect lips slightly perked into the smile I loved so much.

I remember wanting to trace your face with my hands, but I couldn't. I was too tired and my back was pressed against your chest. Your smile was the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep.

I woke up around two hours later. It was late at night, too early in the morning.

We were both in bed at that time. Me laying on your chest while your arms were gently wrapped around my waist.

I felt at home.

Your breaths were steady, but I could tell that you were crying. The moonlight that shone from the window reflected off the tears on your face. They glowed and beamed under the majestic light, shimmering in the darkness.

I brought one hand to your face, gently wiping away the tears. I felt your skin against my fingers and I remember thinking, "I did this."

I was the reason why there were clean tears on your face. I was the reason you woke up in the middle of the night. I was the reason you hurt.