My Eyes Are On You

Chapter 6: Perfection Has its Flaws (Vivvy)

After what happened last night, I woke up in a depressed mood. Right after Jacqueline left, I tried contacting Genevieve to try and thank her, but she didn't reply to my messages.

My depressed mood still remained as I was walking to school. I looked around the crowds of students but couldn't find Genevieve. Maybe she wasn't here yet. I didn't see Edgar either. I guess that I'll be alone today. Or so I thought.

"Oh hey Vivvy," Ashton greeted. I turned around to face him and smiled.

"Morning."

He cleared his throat and stood closer to me, "So, last night must've been difficult for you huh?" he spontaneously said.

My eyes widened as I stared at him in shock, "What...?"

Out of all people, how on earth did he find out?! Jacqueline and Genevieve aren't even friends with Ashton, and I knew for sure that I didn't tell him.

Suddenly, a tall guy approached Ashton and put his arm around Ashton's shoulder.

"Yo Vivvy," his friend greeted. I'm pretty sure his name was Francois. "Is Ashton giving you a hard time?"

"Oh, no. Not at all," I replied.

Francois looked at me, then Ashton, and smiled. His smile was soft, and friendly.

"You two are cute together haha," Francois teased.

Ashton's face turned bright red and Francois chuckled at Ashton's reaction.

"Ashton, I'm kidding. Anyways Vivvy, don't let what happened last night get to you. We know that you're great. Ashton knows that too," Francois comforted. "Well then, we'll head off now."

"W-wait," I said.

Francois and Ashton turned around simultaneously to face me.

"Um, how'd you know about what happened?" I nervously asked.

"Jacqueline posted the argument between Genevieve, you, and her on her story," Ashton took out his phone and showed me her posts.

I took his phone carefully and stared at the screen. Jacqueline posted screenshots of our argument. Is she stupid..? She's the one who's in the wrong... I looked at his phone in disbelief. Then I looked up at Ashton who looked worried.

"Oh you... probably don't want to see it," Ashton said.

"I just... don't understand why she posted it..." I quietly spoke. I looked down at the floor, still feeling dejected. Despite it not being my fault, I still feel guilty somehow. I don't understand why...

"Listen Vivvy, I'm on your side. It was dumb of her to post that. You did nothing wrong," Ashton comforted.

Him saying that increased my mood a little. I couldn't help but softly smile, "Thanks Ashton."

Francois took his arm and smiled at me again, "Wow you must like Vivvy a lot. Well then, we should get going Ashton. You should get going too Vivvy."

Ashton looked back at me and awkwardly laughed, "Bye Vivvy.."

I waved back at him as he and Francois walked away. I couldn't help but think about Jacqueline's story. The fact that she posted our argument... I couldn't believe her.

Once the lunch bell rang, I couldn't take it anymore. My mood kept decreasing every time someone spoke, and it was just exhausting. I ran to the stairwell the moment I had the chance to.

Once I reached the stairwell, I sat on the top step, buried my face into my arms, and started to cry. Jacqueline wasn't here at school. However, Genevieve was here. The thing is, she didn't really talk to me.

Does... everyone hate me now...?

I want to be alone.

I like being alone.

But why is today suddenly different than other days...?

I heard the glass door open, but I didn't bother turning around to see who was there.

"Vivvy? I-I meant. Um. Are you okay?"

I recognized that voice and immediately looked up. His worried green eyes stared blankly at me. He rushed over to my side, panicked.

"W-what happened?! You're crying!" he shouted.

"Edgar..." I whispered.

I don't know why, but seeing Edgar made me tear up a bit more. He sat next to me and stroked my back, trying to comfort me.

"Hey Vivi, you can tell me what's going on. I'll listen," he gently said.

I was still crying, and I was trying my best to calm down so that I can talk to him. When I was finally able to talk, I explained everything to him.

Right now, I feel like trash. Not even trash, more than that. People say that being "perfect" is a good thing right? Everyone strives to reach perfection in some way, shape, or form. Well... me on the other hand, I wish that I wasn't "perfect".

Jacqueline mentioned how I have everything and that she hates that. Well, when you're like me, you find it hard to understand other people's problems. Especially people who are around my age. I've never been through what they've been through, so I don't know how to feel.

Trust me, I can comfort other people and make them feel a sense of safety and reassurance. However, it's all a waste when you haven't experienced their problems.. That's why I barely have friends. All of my friends from the past left me, and I didn't understand why.

Well, now I understand.

I'm just too "perfect". I don't mean that in a narcissistic or arrogant way. What I mean is that, I don't experience the same problems that other people my age experience. My past friends would talk about school issues, or parental issues, and all I could do was watch. They eventually left me because I didn't really communicate with them. Don't worry, I've tried. I've tried to make myself relatable, I've tried to make friends, but none of that worked...

People's admiration, turns to envy, then hatred once they meet me.

And... I'm scared that, Genevieve will leave me for those exact same reasons.

I hate myself for being like this.

I hate how I'm not like other people.

I hate how I'm not relatable to other people.

I hate everything.

I cried and cried, while Edgar remained silent, and listened attentively. Without saying a word, he put his arms around me, and hugged me.