Old one

lights off

Even though there was a longggg waiting list for patients, I was able to get an appointment. It was more like a introduction conversation. We talked a bit about me and my problems and after that he immediately told me that I need help much more than some other people on the waitlist, so guess what. I have a therapist now.

He's very sweet and kind. I first was a bit afraid of him because he looked so serious and professional with his round glasses but after he smiled for the first time I was more than comfortable. I thinks it's like that with every person I meet.

Theo waited outside in the waiting room. Poor guy had to sit there for an hour. He insisted to come though. He said he doesn't want to let me down again.

I got four appointments per week now. I don't know if that's a lot but it's definitely less than spending months with doctors and therapists in one clinic.

My therapist has a room like it's his own living room. There's a bookshelf with lots of books, a little mustard yellow couch and a matching armchair, and a little couch table with magazines that are actually up to date and not from 2011.

It's really cozy, especially when I come there in the evening. He always turns on the little lamp in his shelf. It makes the room look like home.

I was there eight times now. And eight times Theo has driven me. I really have to talk him out of this because he can't drive and pick me up every time. He really got more protective of me. Not in a ‚nobody's allowed to speak to me' but in a 'I'm worried about you all the time' way.

A week ago I told him to come over and he thought something happened but I was just bored and home alone. He was there in less than ten minutes.

He was so stressed that day because he had a little fight at practice. I calmed him down by making out with him for hours. I even kissed my way down, hoping he would enjoy it and he did, until he knew what I was trying to do.

I could see it in his eyes that he never wanted something so bad but his stubbornness won. I guess I just have to be the first one.

And I'm absolutely ready for that, especially because it's dark right now. I wouldn't have half of the confidence if the lights were on. I don't even think he could touch me like he does right now.

His hand stops right before my waistband and goes up again. I need him to touch me so I grab his hand and lead it to the button of my jeans, making him stop kissing me.

"Fuck, I dare you." he warns, afraid I'm teasing him while his fingers play with the button. "We're home alone, right?" I indirectly tell him that I'm serious about this. I can't see him because the lights are off but I just know he's smiling from ear to ear. „Yes" he unbuttons my jeans and wants to take them off but I rather like to keep them on for a little comfort. He can still do it without me being naked. „Try to keep them on" I know he would like to rip them off right now but I think he's happy with anything that's just slightly sexual at this point. „Challenge accepted" yeah I definitely hear the smirk.

"That's not a challen-" I quietly gasp when his hand slips under my jeans and underwear. "It's a challenge for me because I'd like to do much more things than just giving you a massage" he begins to circle his thumb over the spot.

„I don't need more" I try to hold back a moan. „I know you don't." and the moan comes out, proving my point.

„You have no idea how much I missed that sound" he pushes one finger into me and slides his other hand under my shirt to stroke my skin. I know he's feeling my ribs, I hate that. „Don't" I grab his hand and stop it from going up and down my stomach. I instead bring his head down to my neck so I can feel him not just down there.