Perfectly broken

Part 9

So now we're back to some angst. Felix's eating disorder is spiraling.

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Hyunjin

It had been some busy days. Hyunjin was far beyond exhausted and so were the rest of the members. Minho, I.N, Han, Changbin and Felix had all excused themselves after their shared meal, to go to lie down. They had allowed themselves, or rather JYP had allowed them, a big meal of takeout. It had been delicious, and very much needed. None of them could remember the last time they had eaten that well. Hyunjin could barely move on the couch and he was almost sure that Chan had fallen asleep on the couch behind him.

With a content sigh he also closed his eyes, enjoying the fact that he had rest of the day off. It was so peaceful and quiet... that was until running feet could be heard in the hallway. Hyunjin opened his eyes back up just in time to see Seungmin hurry into the living room.

"Chan?"

Chan was immediately up, warned by the tone in the other's voice. His eyes were heavy from sleep, but he still nodded, indicating that he was listening.

Seungmin looked incredible uncomfortable looking back and forth at the two. Hyunjin didn't know what had happened, but the tension made his heart speed up and he wished that he would soon open his mouth.

"It's Felix" Seungmin finally said, twisting his hands. "I heard him throw up in the bathroom. He's probably just sick, but I..."

"He's not sick!" Hyunjin exclaimed, standing up feeling the panic spread in him like freezing flames. He turned to Chan, desperate to make him understand the situation that he had feared for months now. "He has an eating disorder Chan."

Chan was on his feet seconds after, no sign of wariness on his face as he ran towards the bathroom with Hyunjin on his heels. "I know that he damn well has" he mumbled.

Hyunjin's heart was beating in his throat when they stopped at the closed door.

"Felix?" Chan called, knocking softly on the door.

Hyunjin had to restrain himself to not just knock down the disturbing piece of wood.

"Yes?"

Felix's voice came back hoarse and weak, making Hyunjin's heart break into tiny pieces.

"Felix I need you to open up the door."
"Why?"

"You know why."
Hyunjin had no idea how Chan was able to sound so calm. Especially when they weren't getting an answer. Felix was keeping quiet now and Hyunjin's thoughts immediately began racing, thinking of all the things he could be doing in there.

The thoughts of kicking the door down hit him again, but before he got to action, Seungmin came with a lot more rational solution. He handed Chan the spare key he must have gotten from the bowl in the kitchen.

"Felix we're coming in" Chan warned, already having put in the key.

The sound of the toilet flushing sounded a second later and when Chan pushed the door open Felix was wiping his mouth hastily. He was sitting on the floor shaking and he was paler than the tiles behind him. Sweat was making his hair stick to his forehead and his eyes were red and watery. He looked up at them as a child that had been caught with its hand in the cookie jar, which was an almost laughable comparison in that time, since Hyunjin probably would have applauded seeing Felix eating a cookie.

Chan stepped into the bathroom and sat down besides the shaking Felix before pulling him into a hug. Felix let him, silent tears streaming down his cheeks as Chan stroked his back.

"Do you do this too yourself often?" the older asked silently.

Felix quietly shook his head.

"And if you tell me the truth?" Chan asked again, not sounding angry, just caring.

There was a small pause before Felix nodded, and then new tears began running. He hid his face by Chan's shoulder, letting the heart-breaking sobs shake his slender frame.
Hyunjin felt awful. Moments ago he would kicked down the door to get to be with Felix, but now he couldn't move. He couldn't go too close cause he was afraid he was going to yell at him. He was scared that he would let all of his fear and anger rain down over the other and take him down one more step of misery.

He turned away from the door, not able to look at him anymore. He couldn't believe that Felix had allowed himself to become this bad, or that the rest of them had known and not done anything. They had all known- all known that Felix was spiralling and none of them had done a single thing. Hyunjin felt burning hot shame in the pit of his stomach as he ran past Seungmin, heading towards the front door.

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Hyunjin barely had patience to knock at the door. His head was spinning and his throat had tight itself together into a very well done knot. The sight of Felix on the floor was edged into his brain and he was practically shaking when he lifted his hand to knock at the door.

The answer came seconds later. Hyunjin opened it, a bit more rough than needed and stepped inside. He bowed quickly at the older man who looked surprised to see him.

"Hyunjin?" JYP greeted, putting away his pencil before gesturing to the chair opposite him.

Hyunjin threw himself down on it, trying his best to not look as angry as he felt.

JYP smiled politely at him, leaning back in his chair. "What can I do for you?"

Hyunjin slowly shook his head. He had been thinking about what to say all way here and yet the words still struggled to come out.

"It's Felix... you have broken him" he finally blurted out, feeling the fear rush over him again as he spoke. "He's scared of food. He's scared of not being good enough. He's hurting himself- throwing up the little food he eats. He's broken" he repeated, not knowing how else to describe it.

He looked at JYP, waiting for some kind of reaction; a hint of fear, surprise or perhaps sorrow, but he saw none of that. JYP nodded slowly. "That's unfortunate" he agreed, looking at Hyunjin as he was a child being taught an important lesson. "-but I am very satisfied with his progress. You guys can take care of him, or we can make him a new diet plan if you're worried, but the management is satisfied with how things are."

Hyunjin could barely believe it. He grabbed the table to find some kind of support as he tried to get JYP to understand. "He doesn't need a new diet plan, he needs help."
"And you don't think I have helped you guys?"

Hyunjin fell silent. He starred at the older man, not sure what to say. An empty feeling was beginning to fill him, making him feel helpless and useless. They didn't care. They truly didn't care about them. It shouldn't shock him and yet it stung painfully.

"Yes, yes you have" he admitted, his eyes lowering to the table.

"I warned you that it would be hard, but look you're here. You're all doing a great job Hyunjin. So enjoy it and work hard to keep it" JYP said with a convincing voice, but it almost sounded like a threat underneath the encouraging words.

Hyunjin didn't know what to say. He didn't want to say anything, to be honest. So instead he just stood up and bowed mechanically before walking out into the night.

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In case you were wondering- I dont really like JYP. I'm thankful for the group he created, but the way he treats them though...

Oh well. Thanks for reading!