The Edge Of Darkness

Throw Down The Gauntlet

Suggested listening: Armon Jay - Edge Of The Dark

A single, bright ray of Sun intruded from the window; it lit up the entire living room where Jin and Hwoarang were reading pamphlets, flyers and newspaper cut-outs about A.A., rehabs and renowned doctors from all Tokyo specialised in alcoholism.

-My eyes are burning, Jin. Can we take a break? I'd love some of your tea.

-You say tea, and I'm yours. A pause will clear our minds, too.

Jin religiously started preparing his sencha tea, and Hwoarang looked at him, smirking; his devotion to the preparation of a beverage was almost exaggerated, but it was one of the traits that made Jin... Jin. And he loved him for it. His movements were almost hypnotic, slow and precise as they were.

-What's with the stare?

-Oh, nothing. I love watching you brewing the tea. It's sort of... mystical.

-You make fun of me, but you love yourself some tea, uh?

-I'm not making fun of you. I just love the sight.

Jin smiled, and poured the hot liquid into the cups. They both sat on the tatamis and enjoyed their well-deserved break. They had been looking at pamphlets all day.

-I was thinking. I don't want to go to a rehab, not right now, at least. I want to try with something which allows me to stay home with you, first. I think having you around will have a good influence on me. Maybe one of those doctors we saw? And I could attend A.A. meetings as well, get on board with their sponsor program. What do you think?

-It makes sense. You have only been back home for a couple of weeks now, checking into a rehab centre could throw you off balance. I agree, that's the last choice I'd make too.

-I'm glad you think so. I will need all your support in this journey, although I'm the one who has to do the work.

-And you have it. Always. You will beat this, I know it.

After they cleared the table, they allowed themselves some cuddling time as well. A well-timed hug can go a long way, especially on stressful times, and theirs was as tight as they can get. The embrace then turned into a sweet, caressing kiss, slow and tender.

-How could I think I would be able to live without this.- said Jin.

-I don't know. But I'm glad you changed your mind. Come, a doctor caught my eye before, I want to show you his website.

Jin and Hwoarang looked attentively at the doc's CV, studies, successful cases history and everything they could find about the famous Doctor Tanaka. When they were satisfied with their research, they finally decided to call him to get a first appointment. They could only get it almost a month away, but they took it as a good sign of the doctor's actual skills in the matter.

-Now, that's set. I should start with A.A. before that, though. I feel uncomfortable at the idea of waiting a month to put everything in motion. I saw they meet every day, but I could go on Friday, that's a day away. I could go there, present myself, get into the group.

-If you feel ready, go. It can only be good for you.

-Then, it's decided. Friday's the day.

//

And Friday came, not fast enough in Hwoarang's opinion. He was as excited as a boy on his first day of school.

-Okay, okay. It's not a dressy occasion, but do you think I should ditch my leather bike style for a night? Or would it be considered cheating since I basically always dress like that? I should go in as fully myself, so maybe I...

-Hwoarang. Breathe. Your usual clothing is fine. No one's going to judge you, that's the point. Okay? Now go, or you'll be late. That would be worse. But don't speed, I know you.

-I will go as fast as it requires. It should mean as fast as the law says, if I go now. Lucky kiss?

A quick kiss, then Jin smiled fondly. -I'm proud of you, my love.

-Thanks. I need this. Now, I'm out.

For once, Hwoarang drove at a decent speed, until he finally reached A.A.'s meeting centre. He was nervous and kept on picking on his leather glow. Then, he breathed deeply and entered the room.

It was a bare room, with chairs positioned in a circle; many people were sitting already, and the counselor was there too. Hwoarang chose a random chair and sat, waiting. In ten minutes tops, the session started. The counselor started the talking.

-The purpose of all meetings is for A.A. members to share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. Therefore, I encourage all of you to speak up, share your emotions, and listen to all the others as well. I see some new faces tonight, if they want to present themselves, this is the best moment to do so.

She looked directly at Hwoarang; he probably was the only new member. He had prepared a speech for his presentation, but his head was completely empty in that moment. "Shit. Well, I'll improvise". He stood up, looked at some faces, and started talking.

-My name is Hwoarang. I lost my mother when I was 13 to suicide, and I started drinking shortly after. It was just a whim at first, or a rebellion against fate. I don't know what drove me to the first bottle, but it was probably pain. I started a gang of which I was leader at only 17, and the power, the will to demonstrate toughness to the others made me drink even more, and more often. By the age of 19 I was full into alcoholism, but I can only see and admit it now. Then, I took a deep dive into binge drinking in the last three months. I'm not proud of the depths I've touched. I'm here because I know I can do better, be better, for me and for the ones I love. I don't want pain to take the driver's seat. I want control, and I will work hard to regain it. I threw down the gauntlet at myself, and I picked it up. Now, it's my turn.

He sat down, and the other attendees clapped their hands and welcomed him warmly.

"This is a new beginning. I can do it. I can feel it deep down in my bones".