The Edge Of Darkness

Burning

Suggested listening: Linking Park - Breaking The Habit

Jin was sitting on the padded baby carpet, holding Eun-Jung with his legs, while she was very busy scattering all of her toys around the room while shrieking happily. He lifted her up, looking at her attentively; it was amazing how much that tiny baby resembled the man he loved. Her eyes, of a precious and lively amber colour, were just the same as Hwoarang's, making her a little copy of the Korean. She didn't really take anything of Megan's, or so it seemed; the almond eyes, the lustrous black hair were all Hwoarang's trademarks as well. He couldn't but adore that little creature, him, who thought would never be near a child in his entire life. The love was corresponded, it seemed, as Eun-Jung always smiled and laughed when Jin was around. Even right now, she was kicking rapidly and making strange noises while looking at him with a big fat smile on her face. "Don't worry, Princess, you will always be safe with us".

Hwoarang was supposed to be out for the afternoon, but Jin could feel the wind coming from the front door. "Strange". He stood up with Eun-Jung in his arms to close it, but he didn't reach it. He stopped way before that, in the kitchen, where he found Hwoarang standing, his elbows on the kitchen counter, all red and roughed up, sign that he'd been there for a while, holding his head with his hands, except for his index fingers, pointed to a bottle of gin which stood before him.

-Didn't I throw away everything way before you entering the A.A.? Where does that come from? Secret stash?

-No. I bought it. Today, at the store. I was grocery shopping. Getting stuff for Eun-Jung, too. But the aisle leading to the counter is the alcoholic beverages aisle. I think they do that on purpouse. Bastards. I was waiting in line, and my eyes fell on this bottle here. It used to be my favourite gin. I stared at it for a while. I remembered the taste. I remembered the burning sensation in my throat and in my chest. I remembered feeling a little lighter, a little easier on life. I remembered the taste of it lingering on my lips even after I'd drunk it, begging for some more. And I remembered the freedom to think, I can drink one or two if I want to. So, I bought it. I didn't really think about it, I just bought it. And now I'm here, looking at a bottle of gin that I want to drink but I cannot taste, or I can and destroy the work I've done in fourteen months of my life. The choice is on me. And you know what? Both of them feel wrong, somehow. Both of them are wrong.

-Hwoarang...

-I'm not finished. I understand you, now, you know. It must be the same for you and your gene. It must feel wrong to get it back, in a way. But you want it back, you fucking earned it. It was yours to begin with, goddammit. The power was yours, it was taken from you. Because you tried to make it better, and it was worse. But maybe not both your choices are wrong, Jin. Maybe you should get it back. Be whole again. You can. You should.

-You're only talking like this because you're empathising, Hwoarang. I don't think now is the best moment to take a decision about me getting the treatment or not. You're low on your mood, it would be taking advantage of you. Rather, have you talked about this urge to drink to your counselor? I think it's important that you do, and quickly.

-No, I haven't. Don't be on my back, Jin. I know I have to. I will, when I'm ready.

Jin sighed. -I don't want to be on your back. But I know you, and I don't want you talking about this once you've drunk that bottle all in one night. Love, you're on the edge of a precipice right now. I'm only trying to gift you some steps back, instead of watching you fall.

Hwoarang didn't say a word for some minutes. He knew Jin was right. Damn it, he probably already had in mind to drink that bottle that very night. He wasn't on the edge of the precipice: he was already falling, and Jin was holding onto him by the collar of his jumper.