Tainted (Erenxblackreader)

I couldn't resist (XXIV)

Credit goes to the artist. Found this on Pinterest.

⚠️: Mentions of sexual assault

Eren's POV

As soon as she nodded, she walked to the door, almost in a hurry to leave. Staring at her back getting further away, I contemplated what I could possibly say to make her understand the situation. How could I approach this in a way that doesn't cause her pain but doesn't leave me looking like a pity fest in her eyes?

That's all I could think about.

You're not worth expressing your pain to her.

--

"So what happened?" her voice sounded distant but a little bit of her was still present, Either way, I could not tell. Her back faced me so I could not know what her facial expression looked like.

That's when I felt it, the pressure in my chest and the drop in my stomach when I heard her utter those words, the realization I was met with the obligation of telling her what happened. I took a few deep breaths, staring at her figure, her slightly trembling arms hugging her sides due to the chilly air occasionally engulfing our bodies.

We were at a nearby beach, my car parked on the side of the road and since being alone, she had been emotionally distant from me, staying silent and sniffing in the corner. Whether from being cold or crying, I did not know and did not dare ask.

"I'm not sure how I could possibly start...there's so much I could say but I'm not sure if I have enough of your time to say it all" I felt my voice failing me mid-sentence and my fingers instinctively held my jacket in frustration.

Why am I so weak? 

At my reply, she shook her head "No. I want to hear your side" she turned her head, giving me a side look "If I didn't I wouldn't be here"

And she's right. She wouldn't. From the beginning, she's been adamant about what she wanted from me and I can't express how much it made me swoon. This woman is exceptional.

I couldn't help staring at her. She's always been beautiful but the current weather and the scenery in front of us displayed her beauty even more. Her clothes and her hair matched the movements of the wind followed by the light reflecting on her skin making her almost unreachable.

Her presence was comforting but at this moment also intimidating. I didn't want to mess this up so that's why I felt obligated to tell her.

" That day when you asked me about my previous relationship with Natasha, I told you we had a thing"

She nodded, turning her body a bit so now I could see her side. She was listening but staring in distance, patiently awaiting my next words. Taking a deep breath and just refusing to acknowledge the tightening of my hands, I said it as I've always said it.

"I liked Natasha for her boldness and the amount of confidence she exuded in front of whoever. I thought the way she carried herself made her who she was"

I let out a deep sigh. Saying those words felt strange knowing I didn't feel that way anymore "But that was the side of herself she showed around me. In reality, she was nothing of the sort."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it's a facade. A ridiculous attempt at hiding how much she hates herself and the people around her"

I watched as she shrugged, unfazed by my words "I figured as much. From the very first day, I could tell she didn't like me." She looked to the side "not only because she dislikes everyone as you said, but because her infatuation—no, her obsession with you blinds her as soon as your attention isn't on her."

Her voice was assertive, her eyes still on me for a few moments before staring back at the scenery.

A little silence fell between us, the idea of telling her what happened was more and more not sounding like such a problem but I was still... nervous... I guess also scared. There's never a rational way to approach it.

" Well, I discovered later on the person she was, in more ways than I would like to admit. I-I wish I could've seen the signs but I didn't."

Her head slowly went down before her hands briefly groped her arms. I saw her shoes shift in the sand, almost like they wanted to turn to me.

"What...what do you mean"

"It happened when I least expected it. I wasn't feeling well, I was having an awful time. My stepdad was mad about losing a deal and me failing classes, my mother was sick, and I was frankly giving up on any responsibilities I had. When you're d-desperate and seeking ways to forget how you feel, you tend to do stupid shit."

She now faced me but her expression broke me. Her eyes were on the verge of watering and I could see her flushed lips pout in a manner I would've found adorable if it wasn't for this context. I'm telling her something I'm so secretive about and she's sad... for me.

"Did she-"

"She took advantage of me while I was heavily intoxicated. I can't remember seeing anything vividly but I can vividly remember feeling and hearing everything she said, I can feel everywhere she touched. The cries she emitted, her annoyance about things not going her way. All of this and through the whole entire thing, I can only recall my slurred words, my eyes fluttering shut and my body failing me."

Saying these words out loud makes me remember that night. The one I've tried to forget but I'm currently not scared to tell it, I want her to know. I want her to know I'm in pain.

" I try telling her to stop, I tell her I don't want to see her ever again, I tell her I'm helpless but she says she is as well. Then, I wake up and I'm in a hospital."

After finally letting out those words, I took a deep breath, letting it all out and feeling my body relax afterward. Physically feeling that weight get off my shoulders was liberating almost, but once I looked up to look at her, she quickly held me in her arms. 

"I- I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry you had to carry this pain by yourself"

Her embrace was tight, warm, and euphoric. I couldn't explain how it all felt but having her in my arms was a good sign. She murmured words of praise, worry, and sometimes frustration all while gently rubbing my back. It soothes me and I let my arms hug her fully. 

I couldn't resist the girl in front of me. More and more she seems like a dream I've always wanted to become reality. 

- AN: I wasn't sure if there was a good way to write this chapter and honestly it took a while to properly write. I still feel like something is missing, but currently, I'm satisfied with how it turned out.