Abby

CHAPTER FIFTY

Sierra stood at Abby's dresser, looking at the pictures stuck in the edges of the mirror. She pulled them out one by one. The first picture she'd ever taken with Jace. They both looked so sweet together. It was taken late summer. They'd met at a concert, and even though Abby was usually shy with new people, he'd talked to her about music, and that was the in with Abby. Talk to her about music, and you were friends for life. He had his arm around her waist, faces cheek to cheek, he held the camera with the other hand for the selfie. They were both bright eyed, a healthy weight... they weren't addicted to drugs or each other yet. But it wouldn't be long. She put it in the photo album Mrs. Demarco had bought for this purpose. Packing up Abby's belongings. So they could move three hours away. And hopefully, never look back. She picked out the next picture. It was Abby playing bass, Sean on guitar and their friend Dave at the drums. They were in the middle of band practice. Again, end of the summer. Nothing was amiss. It was everyday life for them. Sierra had taken that picture.

"Sean." She said quietly. Everyone looked of course. She smiled at him, her cheeks wet. She held out the picture. He looked at it for a few moments, everyone looked away letting him have that moment to himself. He handed it back to her without looking at her. He remembered that day. They'd started practicing Comedown by Bush. His favorite band. She'd given him shit for it, just for fun. And he gave her shit for loving Nine Inch Nails. Again, just for fun. Both bound by an obsession for music created the decade before their birth. The next couple of pictures were of Abby and Aaron. He in his football uniform, early September probably. She didn't look quite herself, but her smile was wide, genuine. She was always Aaron's biggest fan. She hugged him from the side while he tried to wipe his sweaty arm on her face. Her eyes were squeezed shut in horror. It was her hair. Not quite clean, the ends frazzled from the length and lack of care. And her frame. Thinner than the few pictures before. They all should have known in that moment. But no one saw it. "How didn't we know?" She asked out loud. No one looked at her.

"Sierra, you don't have to do this. If it's too hard, you don't have to help. We've got it." Mr. Demarco said to her. Aaron looked at the picture. He remembered that moment. He'd just won a tough game. He was sweaty, and he always tried to gross her out. And he hadn't known yet either. He'd never forgive himself for not knowing sooner. The twin thing.

"We share a brain, a heart and a soul, and I didn't know." He tried to gently console her with words. Everyone let his message settle in silence. She tucked the photo in the album and went on to the next one. It was older, her and Aaron at their sixteenth birthday. Both visibly younger than even six months later. He hadn't quite jacked up to the super jock status. He played well, but hadn't started hitting the gym yet. She was just a music nerd, she hadn't become the grunge musician. Sierra had been right on the other side of Abby in this picture. She remembered the party. They went ice skating with friends and family. Then to a concert. His world and hers. The next picture she picked up was from late fall. She was already hooked. It was her with Jace. Some other guy Sierra didn't know. The each had an arm around her on either side. She smiled, but her eyes were dead. She was far too thin, she looked like she hadn't showered in a week. Her hair long, stringy and greasy. They all looked high, drunk... whatever. She wanted to shred the picture and throw it away. But Aaron had been clear. They packed up everything. She should have been a better friend. She should have tried harder. Sierra broke down standing there, in Abby's room. A room she hadn't been in for over nine months. And now that she was there, Abby wasn't. Her cries turned to wails. She fell to her knees. Mr. Demarco scooped her up.

"I'm going to bring you home, Sierra. You don't need this. You were her best friend. You tried to get her back. You did everything you could." Sierra continued to sob. Her broken heart had finally been exposed. "Call Brian, let him know we're on our way." He whispered to his wife. Once they were gone, Sean walked over to the corner of her room and picked up her bass.

"May I?" He asked Aaron. It had been made clear that Aaron was the keeper of her estate so to speak. Aaron nodded.

"Yeah." He knew Abby would approve.

"I'm not nearly as good as Abby." He warned. He started playing, the song had a dark and eerie feel. A few simple chords played a couple times over. "You in the dark, you in the pain, you on the run." He paused, deep in his memories of Abby. "Living a hell, living your ghost, living your end." He couldn't continue, though he wanted to. The words were too real, too painful. He sat there, lightly running his fingers over her bass. He had videos and audio files of them playing together. Sometimes it was just a jam session, other times a polished show. He was lucky to have that. A way to always remember her passion. Their friendship. Jennie continued to fold her clothing and place it in boxes. She couldn't stop or she'd lose it too. Packing up this room would break them all one by one.

...

Brian saw Jason pull up to the front door. Jason went to Sierra's door, opened it for her, and when she got out, he put his arm across her shoulders. He walked her to the door. Brian opened it and let them in. He hugged his daughter.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I know." She acknowledged. "I'm going to go up to my room. I'm tired." She looked once more at Mr. Demarco, practically her second dad. "I really hope one day we can be friends again. Me and Abby. Just let her know, when she's ready. I miss her." He nodded.

"I will, Sierra. Thank you for all the years you gave her. And all the memories." She went upstairs before anything else could be said. Jason didn't know whether to go or stay.

"I don't know what to say to you anymore." Brian admitted. "I lay awake at night thinking about if it had been my little girl instead of yours..."

"You don't have to say anything." Jason said. He was dead to feeling anything about this.

"And I feel like an asshole when I thank god that it was yours and not mine." Jason stared out their front window, not wanting to look at another human as long as he lived.

"You know what you can do for me? Every moment you're alive, thank god it was my daughter and not yours." Jason finally looked at Brian. And Brian saw nothing. His best friend's eyes were empty. His face cold. And he couldn't look anymore. He averted his eyes, not wanting to remember his best friend this way. They stood there for what seemed like eternity. "Take care of her. Love her, hold her close. One day we'll be back. And I want to hear that she's doing well." Jason watched as his best friend, a grown man, husband and father, broke down in tears. Jason was all cried out as the saying went. He walked out of the Harris's home for the last time.

...

Jason walked back in the house and up to Abby's room. Sean had left, too overwhelmed to continue. Jennie had finished packing the clothes, the boxes stacked against one wall, the dirty clothes in the wash. Aaron had finished clearing off her dresser and packed away her desk. Her walls were bare. They'd worked quickly when he'd left. No one wanted to be in this room anymore, but it had to be done. Jason went to the closet and opened it. He didn't care what anything was. He put it all in boxes at an alarmingly fast pace. Aaron and Jennie backed away. They left the room to give him space, knowing this was his breakdown. A few minutes after they'd gone, they heard a blood curdling scream of pain, anguish and heartbreak. It echoed through the house. Aaron put on his headphones as loud as he could to block out the sound. Jennie plugged her ears and sat on the floor against their bed. She couldn't hear it. Wouldn't. They needed out of this house, out of this town before the grief killed them all.